psychology

John’s Hierarchy, Not Maslow: Feel, Do, Be

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It’s simply: Feel, Do, Be. Feeling being the lowest? Huh? Yes, if you operate solely by your feelings, you are no different than animals or a baby. Thats when you have those days when you feel like you are being bounced around in a pinball machine. Not good. Yet, this becomes a bit paradoxical because at our highest level of being, we are indeed feeling. So let’s break it down and see if we can integrate it all.

Feeling, Doing, Being: A Hierarchy of Living Life

In our journey through life, we often navigate different stages of existence, each with its own set of challenges and rewards. One way to conceptualize this journey is through the hierarchy of feeling, doing, and being. These stages represent a progression from basic emotional responses to purposeful actions, and ultimately, to a state of mindful existence.

Feeling: The Foundation of Experience

At the most fundamental level, our lives are driven by feelings. Emotions are the immediate, often instinctive responses to our surroundings and experiences. They form the foundation of our interactions with the world, influencing our decisions and actions. While living in the realm of feeling can be intense and overwhelming, it is an essential part of our humanity. Embracing and understanding our emotions is the first step towards personal growth. It becomes a challenge to respond vs react, and often purposeful action becomes elusive.

Doing: The Stage of Action

As we move beyond mere feelings, we enter the stage of doing. This is where our actions take shape, driven by goals, responsibilities, and ambitions. Emotional maturity kicks in, and we do regardless of how we feel. Doing involves applying our emotional insights to create tangible outcomes. It is in this stage that we build our careers, nurture relationships, and contribute to society. While doing is often associated with productivity and achievement, it is also about finding purpose and meaning in our daily activities.

Being: The Pinnacle of Existence

The final stage, being, is about achieving a state of mindfulness and authentic existence. It transcends the immediate reactions of feeling and the purposeful actions of doing. Being is characterized by self-awareness, inner peace, and a deep connection to the present moment. It is about living in harmony with oneself and the world, embracing both the highs and lows of life with equanimity. In the state of being, we find true fulfillment and contentment.

Integrating Feeling, Doing, and Being

While these stages can be seen as a hierarchy, they are not mutually exclusive. A balanced life involves integrating feeling, doing, and being in a way that allows us to navigate the complexities of existence with grace and wisdom. By acknowledging our emotions, taking purposeful actions, and cultivating mindfulness, we can lead richer, more meaningful lives.

This hierarchy is not about prioritizing one stage over the other but about recognizing their interdependence. Feeling is the foundation that informs our doing, and being is the state that allows us to reflect on and appreciate both.

By embracing this hierarchy, we can strive to live fully, acknowledging our emotions, taking action with intention, and cultivating a mindful presence. In fact at this point we should probably add a final step called Flow. That is when you are being and everything is just flowing. You have had those moments. Reflect back on some of them. It was when everything magically fell into place. It had a lot to do with where you were at and how you were acting and being. Being in the flow, where magic happens and everything falls into place can be cultivated and experienced more often. Life should be lived as much as possible in the flow where you enjoy the most joy every moment of your short time on this planet.

You Can Only See Clearly from a Higher Point

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For those involved in self-development, growth, or even psychotherapy, have you ever noticed the endless “aha” moments? I used to lovingly curse out my friend David Ellzey, who coaches me using the Sedona Method and his own unique blend of skills. I would lovingly say, “WTF? Why didn’t you teach me this 10 years ago?” And to this day, we keep discovering more and more layers. Or is it that we are reaching higher and higher vantage points from which we can make even greater distinctions in every area of our lives for more meaningful and richer relationships, as well as not giving too much attention or personal energy inappropriately in business situations?

For example, you certainly don’t want to be seeking approval or wanting to be liked by your vendors, although you can have a healthy and sometimes friendly relationship. There is a border often crossed by those who seek to be liked by everyone. But the point of this blog is that there are countless things you simply cannot see while you’re blocked by so many childhood, adolescent, or in some cases even adult traumas.

Who doesn’t know an injured woman or man who is incapable of trusting and having a loving relationship? Or one who chooses the same type of person over and over again because it represents something missing from their childhood? These scenarios know no bounds. They exist for some of the obscenely wealthiest and successful among us and across the board. But while you are stuck in the mud or the valley, you can’t even see the next valley or the mountaintop. Maybe you need to learn more or climb higher to see what you couldn’t see before.

Key Points to Consider

  1. Endless Layers of Growth:
    • Personal development is an ongoing journey. Each “aha” moment reveals new layers of understanding and self-awareness.
    • As we grow, our perspective shifts, allowing us to see and understand things that were previously hidden.
  2. Importance of Vantage Points:
    • Just like climbing a mountain, personal growth gives us a higher vantage point. From these new heights, we can see further and make more informed decisions.
    • Higher vantage points help us distinguish between meaningful relationships and those that drain our energy.
  3. Impact of Childhood and Adolescent Traumas:
    • Unresolved traumas can block our vision, keeping us stuck in repetitive patterns.
    • Recognizing and addressing these traumas can free us to see new possibilities and healthier patterns.
  4. Navigating Business Relationships:
    • In business, it’s essential to maintain professional boundaries and not seek approval from everyone.
    • Healthy business relationships are built on mutual respect, not on the need to be liked.
  5. Healing and Growth for Trusting Relationships:
    • Many people struggle with trust and relationship issues due to past traumas.
    • Healing these wounds can open the door to healthier, more trusting relationships.

Conclusion

The journey of personal growth and development is like climbing a mountain. Each new height reached offers a clearer view and deeper understanding of ourselves and our relationships. By addressing unresolved traumas and continuously striving for higher vantage points, we can achieve greater clarity, more meaningful relationships, and a more fulfilled life.