news

In Your Life or on Your Phone?

| johnas9000

I don’t see anyone in their life these days. I challenge you to walk one block, whether you’re in the suburbs or the city. I’d bet that 90% of the people you pass are looking at a device, risking getting run over by a car, or they’re talking to someone on their device. Parents have to fight with their kids to get off their phones, even at mealtime. It’s actually rare to hear a parent say that devices are not allowed at the dinner table. That is crazy.

The whole “Be here now” concept no longer exists. Sure, you might be one of those who doesn’t allow devices at the dinner table—woo hoo! But what about the other 23 hours of the day when your kids or even your partner are glued to their devices?

I don’t know where this is going. I hope we don’t all get brain cancer. Cell phones have only been commercially available for around 40 years, compared to the millions of years humans have been on this planet. But even worse is that no one is present in their life anymore. The most important interaction in life is completely missing. How can you possibly listen to another human being while you’re looking at your device?

How often have you seen the person you are with distracted by a beep, buzz, or ding on their phone? How important does that make you feel? In fact, we all make allowances for that. “Sure, if you get an important call, no problem—just drop me, we are friends?” That’s a weird statement, but I make it all the time. So I guess that makes our device the most important person in our life, doesn’t it?

We all need to spend a lot more time trying to be present in our lives and turn our devices off. Or at least spend a lot less time on them. Being present is not just a quaint idea—it’s essential for meaningful connections and a fulfilling life. Let’s challenge ourselves to put down the phone and truly engage with the world and the people around us.

Your Nuclear Family is Constantly Changing

| johnas9000

Family. It’s a word that holds so much weight and emotion. Yet, the concept of a nuclear family is not static. It evolves, shifts, and sometimes, it can be a painful transition.

I remember a time when it was always myself and my two sisters. We were inseparable, and I believed that nothing could come between us. I thought it would always be just us, standing together above everyone else, forever. But then life threw us a curveball. My father passed away, and suddenly, we were thrust into discussions about his estate. I was shocked, stunned, and incredulous. I lost it completely because their partners had different opinions, and I just couldn’t understand why. But then it hit me—they had their own nuclear families now. And naturally, loyalty to your nuclear family comes first.

That phase passed, and now we are back to being as close as possible, even though we live in different places.

Recently, I spoke with someone who had grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t speak or see his children much, as they have their own families and even grandchildren. Generational nuclear families are a reality. The dynamic changes with each generation, creating new families within families.

There are those Kodak moments—remember those? I guess Kodak moments have been replaced by Facebook moments. That’s a topic for another post. Yes, you will see that picture when everyone is together, spanning three generations. It might happen once a year. When I was little, we all gathered at grandmother’s house for most of the holidays. Sadly, most families today don’t spend much time with three generations present very often. As much as I loved seeing all my cousins, it really didn’t happen that often, maybe at Christmas and Thanksgiving.

As the family grew, each side started having their own gatherings. The nuclear family is constantly expanding, breaking off, and even contracting. The elders are not necessarily always revered, especially in this country. I admire cultures where families remain closer, where the elders are respected and cherished.

Sadly, the true essence of family life seems to be getting lost and replaced with, well, I don’t even know what—iPhones?

It’s natural for your nuclear family to change. It’s part of life. Embrace the transitions, cherish the moments, and remember that family, in whatever form it takes, is a constant evolution.

Politics

| johnas9000

Why Do Some People Get Extremely Agitated About Politics?

Have you ever noticed how conversations about politics can quickly become heated, turning friends into adversaries and calm discussions into fervent debates? Why is it that politics seems to ignite such strong emotions in people? Let’s delve into the underlying reasons and explore if there’s more to this agitation than just differing opinions.

At the heart of political agitation, there might be a profound desire to be right—a need to assert one’s beliefs and validate one’s worldview. But is it just about being right? Or is it more about being heard, feeling seen, and striving for a sense of unity and belonging?

The Sedona Method suggests that we all have four basic needs: the need for approval, control, security, and oneness. Politics, in its intricate web, touches on all these needs. It provides a stage for us to seek approval from like-minded individuals and to gain a sense of control over the direction of society. It promises security through policies and governance and offers a sense of oneness with a larger group that shares our views. At the same time, it creates separation from those who don’t.

Think about it: engaging in political discourse allows us to feel involved and significant. It ties together our quest for security—ensuring our values are protected and our futures are secure—and our need for approval and belonging within our chosen ideological tribe. It’s no wonder that politics can captivate and consume us, sometimes to the point of obsession.

However, there’s a flip side. This intense engagement with politics can also enrage large portions of the population, particularly the extremes—the hard left and the hard right. These groups often find themselves in a relentless battle, each side convinced of their righteousness and deeply invested in their causes. This dichotomy is fueled not just by genuine concern for societal issues but also by the media personalities who amplify these voices.

Figures like Joe Rogan, Rachel Maddow, Tucker Carlson, Jake Tapper, and Dana Bash are just a few among many who have built their careers—and substantial fortunes—by fanning the flames of political discourse. Their annual earnings can soar into the tens of millions, profiting from the very agitation they help to stoke. While they thrive, many of us find ourselves stressed, sleepless, and sometimes even estranged from friends and family over political disagreements.

In the end, as we navigate this charged political landscape, it’s worth considering: Are we contributing to the wealth and success of these media giants while sacrificing our peace of mind and personal relationships? Is the ulcer, headache, or potential heart attack worth the cost of our engagement in these never-ending debates?

Finding Peace Within

Perhaps the solution lies not in avoiding politics altogether but in finding peace within ourselves. Could it be that when we cultivate inner peace, we no longer feel the need to obsess over political issues? When we are at peace with who we are, we might feel less compelled to seek external validation or to control the external world through political means.

Inner peace can provide a buffer against the relentless tide of political turmoil. It allows us to engage with political issues thoughtfully and constructively, rather than reactively. When we are grounded in our own sense of security and oneness, the need to assert dominance in political discussions diminishes. We can listen more deeply, understand more fully, and respond with greater compassion.

My Journey to Peace

This insight comes from a profound personal journey. In a recent conversation with my coach, David Ellzey—a brilliant coach and genius who has guided everyone from corporate titans to the United Nations—I reflected on how far I’ve come. Over the past thirty years, working with David has brought me a profound sense of peace and happiness. His use of a variety of skills and resources has profoundly shaped my perspective.

I used to be one of those people who would get incredibly agitated over politics. I was a screaming lunatic, deeply entrenched in the debates, and ready to argue passionately at the drop of a hat. The mere mention of a political opinion I disagreed with was enough to trigger a strong emotional reaction. Phrases like “I’m going to leave the country if this guy gets elected” would set me off.

But something shifted. Through my work with David, I experienced a profound transformation. I went from being reactive and easily triggered to not even responding or feeling agitated when faced with politically charged statements. I didn’t fully understand the depth of this shift until I realized how peaceful I had become in the face of political discourse.

I am not trying to be anything; I literally am at peace. This deep inner tranquility has changed how I interact with politics and the world.

Finding peace within has allowed me to disengage from the frenzy of political turmoil and live a more serene and balanced life. As we reflect on our relationship with politics, let’s also consider our relationship with ourselves. By nurturing inner peace, we might find that we can navigate the political landscape with a sense of balance and tranquility, enriching our lives and those around us.

The Deeper Layers

The journey towards this peace is multifaceted and deeply personal. It’s complex, layered with experiences, and often rooted in our past. For many, the agitation we feel about politics may be intricately linked to our relationships with our parents. We might have sought their approval or felt we weren’t enough, yearning to be heard, felt, and seen by them—even if they were loving parents from a bygone era.

Take the sixties, for instance—a time when loving parents, especially fathers, often struggled to express affection openly. They could hardly say “I love you” even under the direst circumstances. This cultural backdrop left many with unresolved feelings of seeking approval and feeling unseen, which can carry over into adulthood and manifest in our political engagements. The realm of politics can hijack or co-opt these deep-seated desires and unresolved emotions, often without our conscious awareness.

What we think is political frustration might actually be an incomplete relationship with one of our parents. It’s complicated, and untangling these threads takes time and introspection. For me, the journey to peace didn’t involve actively trying to let go of my feelings about politics or forcing myself to be at peace. Instead, I focused on working on myself—on my relationship with myself and others. The side effect was remarkable: I found that I truly don’t give a rat’s ass about politics or which side anyone wants to get agitated about.

There’s so much more to this journey; it would take a book to begin to scratch the surface. But the essence is clear: by nurturing our inner selves and resolving our deeper emotional needs, we can transform our relationship with the external world, including the tumultuous realm of politics.

Finding peace within has allowed me to disengage from the frenzy of political turmoil and live a more serene and balanced life. As we reflect on our relationship with politics, let’s also consider our relationship with ourselves. By nurturing inner peace, we might find that we can navigate the political landscape with a sense of balance and tranquility, enriching our lives and those around us.