Yet another nuance. But dont fret the quality of your life IS the quality of your communication, with yourself and with others. Regardless of what is going on in your life. If you doubt that read Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl written about his time in a concentration camp and the lessons he learned.

During a call with Unblinded, I learned an invaluable lesson from Michael Smikun about the importance of matching energy before engaging in a conversation. This concept, while seemingly simple, holds profound implications for how we connect with others and manage our interactions effectively. Michael’s insights can be distilled into two key approaches:

1. Match Plus: When someone is upset or angry, meeting them with a higher energy can help disrupt their negative state. This doesn’t mean matching their anger with more anger, but rather using a burst of energy to break through their emotional barrier. Once you’ve gotten their attention, you can immediately drop to a more loving, calming energy to help soothe and guide them to a more positive state.

2. Match Minus: If someone is feeling sad or down, approaching them with a gentler, lower energy can provide the comfort and safety they need. This involves not just a softer tone of voice but also physical cues that show empathy and care. For instance, you might lower yourself to their level, speak in a calm and reassuring voice, and even place a hand over your heart to signal genuine concern and presence.

3. Another way to break rapport, when necessary, to move past a situation is humor. When my wife was so angry with me she didnt want to talk, she asked “Did you read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus?” I said yes In case you didnt sometimes men need to be left alone in their cave, and she has a lot of certainty and male energy. She is a surgeon. She followed up by saying. “I am going into my cave now and you are following me” I countered. “So do you want a blow job?” She couldnt help herself and laughed out loud, and of course immediately stopped herself because she was still angray. But it certainly was the first step to healing and a temporary break in anger. Fun energy is a great way to break up tension. Nobody told me to offer sexual favors, 🙂 to be clear.

The Complexity of Rapport

Understanding and applying these approaches is actually a big deal. It adds a significant layer to building and maintaining rapport, and even knowing when to break it if necessary. It’s about more than just words; it’s about aligning your entire presence to the emotional state of the other person.

When someone is sad, for example, you need to genuinely come from your heart. Physically lowering yourself to their level can make you appear less threatening, and speaking in a softer, lower tone can make them feel safe. Michael demonstrated this by placing his hand over his heart—a powerful non-verbal signal of empathy and compassion. As we know, up to 90% of our communication is non-verbal, and these subtle cues are crucial in creating a sense of security and understanding.

Conversely, there are times when breaking rapport is necessary, especially if someone is out of control. Whether in a personal situation or a courtroom, abruptly raising your voice louder than theirs can serve to interrupt their state. Once you’ve captured their attention, you can immediately drop to a more appropriate, calmer energy. This might involve a quick shout followed by an immediate transition to a softer, more loving tone, physically lowering yourself, and expressing your care and concern.

Practicing and Mastering Rapport

The nuances of building and using rapport are complex and often require practice to master. It’s more than just talking; it’s about how your entire being communicates safety, understanding, and care.

As I mentioned in my previous post, love, caring, acts of service, and nurturing are essential, but they may not be enough if your communication is causing the other person to hear something different from what you intend. Miscommunication is a common issue that can lead to feelings of disconnect and misunderstanding, which is why so many relationships and marriages struggle. How often have you heard people say, “We didn’t get along,” “We couldn’t understand each other,” “He or she didn’t understand me,” or “They didn’t give me what I needed”?

Clearly, the certainty that you were going to be together for life was there when you first committed to each other. So, what changed? It’s rarely just about the other person being a “jerk” or inherently bad. It often comes down to communication and the subtle dynamics of how we connect—or fail to connect—through our words and actions.

Giving Credit Where It’s Due

I have often given attribution and added my own thoughts in my posts. However, in this case, I assign 100% credit to Michael Smikun for these insights. I only hope I have articulated his teachings correctly, and I apologize if I haven’t captured them perfectly. If you want to learn directly from the source and explore countless other daily lessons, I highly recommend Unblinded for daily practice and business acceleration. The quality of our business is also deeply dependent upon our ability to communicate effectively.

I’m still learning extraordinary lessons, many months into this training. The last few posts are just small examples of what I’ve been absorbing. The total amount of information and training is extraordinary. And if you’ve undergone various other trainings, putting it all together with additional distinctions is priceless. However, this requires getting past what you think you already know and your desire to believe you’ve mastered it all. This week, with all the distinctions on rapport, I keep saying to myself, “WTF? I learned matching and mirroring with Anthony Robbins 40 years ago.” It might as well have been a foreign language.

Final Thoughts

Our communication is everything. It’s the foundation upon which relationships are built and maintained. Understanding the importance of matching energy and mastering the nuances of rapport can transform how we interact with others and nurture our relationships.

Whether it’s through matching and mirroring or understanding when to break rapport to reset a situation, these skills are crucial for deeper, more meaningful connections. If we can learn to see, feel, hear, and understand each other truly, we can bridge gaps and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

*If you want it straight from the source as well as countless other daily lessons, I do recommend Unblinded for daily practice and business acceleration. Because the quality of our business is also dependent upon our ability to communicate. I am still learning extraordinary lessons, many months into this training. The last few posts are small example of it. The total amount of information and training is extraordinary. And if you have done a multitude of other trainings putting it all together with additional distinctions is priceless. IF YOU CAN GET PAST what you already know and your desire to think you already know this. This week with all the distinctions on rapport, I keep saying in my head “WTF? I learned matching and mirroring with Anthony Robbins 40 years ago.” It might as well have been a foreign language. I dont want to call it a cheap trick, thats for you to decide. But lets put it this way small physical mirroring whether is our posture tone of voice or repeating certain words is nothing compared to “this” By the way the other person knows when you dont care. How many customer service calls have you been on when the customer service person said “I understand how you feel your concern is that your phone has dropped 100 calls today?” And you just want to be transported over the cell phone system so you can grab them by their neck and strangle them? And finally to be clear I am revealing only the tiniest of a fraction of the distinctions I have learned. So if you are happy learning everything about health happiness and beauty I have learned in my life keep reading what I write. If what I have shared that I have learned from my friends at Unblinded have taught me call me and I will arrange for you to be in touch with them get a personal complementary business acceleration call and see if it makes sense for you. I also hope they appreciate the spirit in which I have incorporated just a few truly life altering moments from my past 6 months or probably 200 days of daily trainings, evening sessions, 4 day seminars with them. These were just a few jewels from this week.