marriage

Is It Crazier to Date Halfway Across the World or the Guy You Bumped Into on the Street?

| johnas9000

Is it crazier to date someone halfway across the world or the guy you bumped into on the street? The hit show “90 Day Fiancé” has become a cultural phenomenon, showcasing the chaotic and often humorous attempts of people trying to find love in a different country and culture. But who is crazier—the one who pursued someone based on an online profile, searching for their “soul mate” in the digital realm, or the person who started dating someone they met on the street or at work?

I don’t have the definitive answer. Maybe ChatGPT has some statistics on which relationships are more likely to succeed. Or perhaps the real answer lies in the commitment to making any relationship work. Relationships are complex, and they go through various phases. Are you willing to grow through these phases?

For instance, the dynamic of both partners working is different from one where one partner works while the other stays home to raise children. But that’s a topic for another post. Let’s focus on this one.

Where did you find your partner? Do you believe in soul mates? Is there a right or wrong way to find love? Whether you met your significant other through a chance encounter on the street, at work, or halfway across the world, the key is your willingness to invest in the relationship and grow together.

Personally, I don’t think people even begin to ask the right questions. Just yesterday, my younger friend admitted he doesn’t even know if the woman he married really wants to have kids. Talk about basics! The problem could also be that when you started dating, neither of you cared about having kids, but then one of you changed your mind.

Again, it all comes back to communication. Communication. That is step 1, step 2, and step 3.

At least the people in “90 Day Fiancé” were intentional in looking for someone, despite the often disastrous consequences. They made a conscious decision to seek out a partner, even if it meant navigating the complexities of different cultures and long-distance relationships. This intentionality is something to be admired, as it reflects a deliberate effort to find love.

Love can be found in the most unexpected places, and every relationship has its unique journey. The important thing is to be present, committed, and open to the growth that comes with each phase of the relationship. So, whether you found love next door or across the globe, cherish the connection and be ready to navigate the challenges together.

II just realized I forgot to share my own experiences, which you might find humorous and offer yet another perspective worthy of deeper thought and conversation. I dated a lot of Armenian girls in my culture. I also dated a woman I met at the impound at 4 a.m.—you know, the place where they tow your car? (I figured we both shared a disregard for the law). There was also a girl renting a house across the street in the Hamptons who was hitchhiking to town to buy more liquor for her party. And finally, I dated a surgeon I admired and respected for her smarts, intelligence, and beauty. I did learn one thing: They say don’t marry a litigator because they are trained to argue. A surgeon, on the other hand, must be right 110% of the time, or you could die—or be blinded in the case of an eye surgeon. So, I’ve had to grow exponentially.

Maybe that should be my final thought: No matter where you are or who you are with, what if you became the most peaceful, thoughtful listener with presence, so that your partner feels “seen, heard, felt, and understood?” I would bet that 99% of all relationship issues would dissolve if we merely listened with all of our hearts, no matter where we met our partner. Go re-read every post on listening. It’s the way you watch a movie—hang on their every word. Wait 5 seconds after they finish speaking, and then wait another 5 seconds. Ask if they have anything else they want to share, and then ask permission to speak. Again, that alone will solve 99% of your problems. I wish you were paying $5,000 for this advice—not to me, but to a charity—so that you would have an idea how valuable this advice is.

Navigating the Complexities of Male-Female Relationships: Balancing Intelligence and Femininity

| johnas9000

Relationships are complex, nuanced, and deeply personal. They are influenced by societal norms, individual personalities, and the evolving roles of men and women. One particularly challenging dynamic is how men and women balance intelligence, success, and traditional gender roles in their relationships. As someone who proudly celebrates smart, successful women, I’ve often reflected on this intricate balance.

Celebrating Intelligent Women

I’ve always believed that choosing a partner who is both intelligent and successful is crucial for a fulfilling relationship. In an earlier blog post, I argued that even if you’re 20 years old and spend four hours a day having sex, what are you talking about the other 20 hours? The ability to engage in meaningful conversations, share insights, and grow together intellectually is essential. Men should be respected for celebrating smart, successful women and not being intimidated by them.

The Importance of Femininity

However, it’s also important for women to maintain their femininity in a relationship. This doesn’t mean conforming to outdated stereotypes, but rather embracing qualities that contribute to a balanced dynamic. In my experience, and from conversations with friends, I’ve noticed that relationships can suffer when there’s a perceived competition between partners or when traditional male and female energies clash.

The Risk of Role Reversal

I’ve sadly seen couples break up and marriages end due to conflicting roles. For instance, a friend shared that his divorce stemmed from his wife, a successful woman, climbing the corporate ladder, cutting her hair shorter, wearing suits, and eventually embodying a burnt-out male persona. She turned to alcohol, and their relationship deteriorated. This isn’t a healthy dynamic for anyone.

Balancing Success and Relationship Dynamics

It’s not about women needing to tone down their success or ambitions. Rather, it’s about finding a balance where both partners respect and support each other without feeling threatened. I’ve spoken to single women who admitted they feel they need to tone down their “male energy” to attract and maintain a relationship. This doesn’t mean they should diminish their achievements but find a way to harmonize their personal and professional lives.

Avoiding Demasculating Behaviors

Demasculating behaviors can strain relationships. Activities or attitudes that undermine a partner’s sense of masculinity or femininity can create tension. It’s essential for both partners to feel valued and respected for who they are. For men, this means supporting their partner’s success while feeling secure in their role. For women, it means embracing their success while also nurturing the relationship’s emotional and relational aspects.

Striving for Balance

Ultimately, relationships thrive on balance. Celebrating each other’s strengths, supporting each other’s growth, and maintaining a dynamic where both partners feel respected and valued is key. A partner who is purely feminine without intellectual substance may quickly become boring, no matter how attractive. Conversely, a relationship where traditional gender roles are completely reversed may also struggle.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the goal isn’t to revert to outdated gender roles but to find a harmonious balance where both partners can thrive. Intelligent, successful women should be celebrated, and men should feel secure in supporting them. At the same time, maintaining aspects of traditional femininity and masculinity can contribute to a healthy, balanced relationship. Let’s strive for relationships where both partners can be their best selves, without competition or diminished roles.

Join the Conversation

I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences on this topic. How do you navigate the balance between intelligence, success, and traditional gender roles in your relationships? Let’s continue this important conversation and support each other in finding harmony in our personal lives.

Feel free to share your insights and engage in this ongoing discussion. Together, we can explore how to foster healthy, balanced relationships that celebrate the best in both partners.