life

Matching and Mirroring: The Art of Elevating Spirits

| johnas9000

You’ve likely heard about the techniques of matching and mirroring, right? To establish rapport, one must initially match someone’s energy level before guiding them to a different emotional state. Imagine encountering someone whose energy is somewhat low; if you approach with overwhelming enthusiasm, you might entertain them, but you won’t necessarily uplift their spirits.

Instead, what if you began by matching their subdued energy, gained their trust, and then, with permission, engaged them in an activity to elevate their mood? This approach isn’t just about entertainment—it’s about providing a truly enriching experience.

This post is dedicated to Michael Smikun and Fernando Valencia. I recently learned from Michael during a captivating hour where he managed to energize a room full of disinterested doctors by encouraging them to tickle each other, followed by a thorough discussion on how to uplift energy and facilitate energy transference.

Moments later, I shared these insights with Fernando. I have often described myself as a golden retriever. I get excited when I see my friends and often “jump on them and lick them,” and that actually does cheer them up 90% of the time. He reminded me of the intuitive approach of golden retrievers: sometimes, when you’re feeling down, these dogs don’t just overwhelm you with energy. Instead, they might gently lay their head on your lap, a simple act that can lift your spirits enough to invite you to go out and play with them elevating you both.

As I write this, it strikes me how much we can learn from the empathetic nature of dogs. Perhaps my next blog should explore everything we can learn from animals. But for now, heartfelt thanks to Michael and Fernando for their insights.

I’ve heard similar principles a thousand times before, even 40 years ago at an Anthony Robbins seminar, and I’ve read about it in various forms from many different sources. However, either it takes time, or Michael and Fernando explained the micro-distinctions with such precision and practical examples that it’s transforming. How I engage with the people I love is the most vital piece of our engagement.

This is not about selling shit. It’s about being present to let each of my family and friends know how deeply I care about them. Interestingly, “being present” might actually be more beneficial than blurting out the latest life-saving tip I’ve learned. It’s a subtle yet powerful shift from giving advice to truly connecting, and if I’m thoughtful enough, I might even enter at their “speed limit” — perhaps there’s another blog in that concept alone — and who knows? Maybe then, I could truly make a life-saving difference.

As I re read this it might make an interesting discussion or debate whether “golden retriever” energy works all of the time, or 90% of the time or it just feels that way. Also is it a good pattern interrupt or is it better to ask permission? I’ll let you know. Or you can let me know. Practice caring more about the people you love.

*Michael Smikun and Fernando Valencia are part of the Unblinded team.

A Post Away From Happiness

| johnas9000

Throughout our lives, we encounter bits of wisdom—some that stick with us forever. These nuggets of knowledge can come from anywhere: a grandparent, a mentor, or a line from a book that resonates with us on a deep level. For instance, my father once told me, “As long as you are healthy, you can dig ditches and make money.” While it might not seem like the most profound statement at first, it underscored a vital truth for me—the paramount importance of health.

This simple saying from my father shaped my perspective, making it easier for me to prioritize healthy life choices. It’s a perfect example of how sometimes, the smaller sayings, not the grand declarations, are what truly change our lives.

Everyone has their own set of maxims that guide them. Perhaps this post might offer you a new one that could shift your perspective or reinforce your current path. Moreover, it’s crucial to reflect on the sayings you repeat to yourself and others. Are they positive? Do they encourage growth and happiness? If not, it might be time to let go of the negative ones.

The sayings we choose to live by can significantly influence our outlook and decisions. They can be reminders of our values and goals, helping us navigate through life’s complexities. By choosing to adopt and repeat positive and empowering phrases, we can shape a more optimistic and proactive approach to life.

Take a moment to think about the words that have impacted you. What are the sayings that have helped you the most? Sharing these can not only affirm their value in your life but also potentially inspire others. Remember, the right words at the right time can be a beacon of hope and a catalyst for change.

So, as you go about your day, consider the power of words and the impact they can have. You might just find that happiness is truly just a post away.

Your greatest skill is also your greatest curse

| johnas9000

Title: Every Skill: A Blessing and a Curse

Every skill or trait we possess carries with it a duality that shapes our experiences—serving as both a blessing and a curse. This complex interplay influences our interactions, our achievements, and even our inner emotional landscapes.

Take, for example, the person with extraordinary height, who might excel in sports and command attention in any room they enter. Yet, the same stature that brings admiration can also bring discomfort and inconvenience, like bumping their head on doorways or struggling to find clothing that fits properly.

Similarly, consider the brilliant minds in finance who can decode markets and amass wealth. Their skill in navigating complex numerical landscapes is enviable. However, this same brilliance often requires intense focus and isolation, which can lead to a lonely existence, separated from the easy camaraderie enjoyed by others.

Sensitivity in reading others can be another double-edged sword. For those attuned to the slightest emotional shifts in people around them, this sensitivity allows an unparalleled ability to connect and empathize. However, this same trait can lead to emotional overload and hurt, as the pain of others often becomes their own.

The person who makes friends easily brings another example. Their open, trusting nature garners a wide social circle and frequent joy. Yet, it’s this same openness that can make them vulnerable to deceit, leaving them more frequently betrayed or taken advantage of than their more cautious counterparts.

These examples show that our greatest strengths can sometimes also be our weaknesses. By understanding this balance, we can better navigate the complexities of our abilities and perhaps find ways to mitigate the downsides while amplifying the positives.

In life, it’s not just about developing skills or traits but managing the inherent contradictions they bring. As we grow and evolve, the challenge is to leverage these aspects to enrich our lives, mindful of both the blessings they bestow and the curses they conceal.

Think See Feel Get it, or Got it?

| johnas9000

Title: Think, See, Feel: How Did You Create Your Life?

The paths to realizing our desires are as varied as the individuals who walk them. Some people swear by goal-setting, meticulously planning each step towards achievement. Others advocate for visualization, believing in the power of seeing an outcome in the mind’s eye to make it a reality. Then, there are those who focus on the emotional resonance of their dreams, feeling their way into manifestation.

Consider how you acquired your last major purchase, like a car or a home. Did you list the specifications and systematically tick off boxes, or did you visualize it down to the last detail before ever stepping into it? Perhaps it was the emotional allure—the imagined scent of new upholstery or the thrill of space in a new home—that drew you in.

The process of creation in our lives can often be segmented into three phases: Think, See, and Feel.

  • Think: This is the stage of conception. It begins with an idea or a need. For instance, you realize you need a new car. You think about the kind of car that would best fit your lifestyle and budget. This is a cerebral phase, where logic plays a key role.
  • See: Next, you visualize what it would be like to own the car. Perhaps you picture yourself driving along the coast, the dashboard gleaming under the sun. Visualization can be a powerful motivator, making the intangible seem tangible.
  • Feel: Finally, you connect with the emotion of owning the car. How does it make you feel to sit behind the wheel, to know it’s yours? This emotional connection can often be the most compelling force in turning thoughts and visions into reality.

Understanding which of these resonates most with you can provide profound insights into how you shape your life. It’s not just about the methods you employ but about tuning into your natural inclinations and leveraging them.

So, how do you create your life? Is it through careful thought, vivid visualization, or deep emotional connection? Recognizing your predominant approach can help you refine it and perhaps even integrate other aspects to enhance your ability to manifest what you desire.

Your worst upbringing created your greatest talent

| johnas9000

So far 100% of the people I know personally and or famous people on line are a product of really shitty upbringing. We have infamous Andrew Huberman. He said his dad was so violent, that he needed to read him in a few seconds to know whether to hide his mother and sister from what he read as a potentially violent night. I have a wonderful partner that I work with practicing the Sedona method. Her voice is so loving. Her caring and taking notes and wanting to dig a little deeper and try another method is simply unmatched by anyone. She is going to be, or already is a fabulous loving coach, due to her upbringing. We dont go into detail because there is a lot of pain, but we do general releasing and accepting.

I desperately wanted “approval” Approval shows up in many ways. My dad always worked 3 jobs until he had his own business, then he merely worked 18 hours a day. I was desperate for my dad to spend time with me or listen to me. As a result I will always try to please everyone to a fault. I even go out of my way to make friends with vendors and everyone I deal with. Whatever went on in your childhood made you who you are. Maybe your parents demanded straight A’s. Maybe they were impossible to please. Maybe they were alcholics. Maybe they separated. Whatever they did made you who you are. But for most of the people I know, it has become their greatest strength.

Many a successful person has articulated that they wanted to prove something to their parents, or one of their parents. Enjoy your greatest talent, that is my message with this blog. Dont be upset, dont be resentful. If you grew up poor, be grateful that you are motivated to be rich. If you grew up without love, notice how you are probably the most loving person you know. Enjoy your strengths, just be sure no one is taking advantage of your strengths and turning them into weaknesses.

Deviant from the Norm or Pet Peeve?

| johnas9000

I dont know about you but I almost never get angry when its expected, but unexpected is another issue. How do you like it when you decide to leave late to avoid traffic and the road is completely closed and there is a three hour back up? I expect snow in the winter, but what the hell is going on today, Its late April? I guess I am just like Brad Pitt (heart throb). Or is it Larry David (angry old fart)? Or maybe I am just an anti nihilist.

The world does need order. As Brad Pitt said how can we survive when some Bozo is in the fast lane going slow? Or maybe its just survival. OK this is a big can of worms now opened can crawl in any direction. But I am OK with that, how about you? I love to “THINK” vs regurgitating the same thoughts as yesterday.

You do know that most of your thoughts, all 50,000 or 90,000, are the same as yesterday, right? So why did you even bother waking up if that was all you were going to do with today? Seriously the quality of your life is the quality of your thoughts. If your thoughts today are the same as yesterday, why did you even bother to wake up today? PS it gets worse. Not only are the thoughts the same, they are mostly negative. They actually have to be negative or you would’nt be reading this.

Sorry to repeat, but we need a basic understanding of our brain, as it relates to evolution, and being here, as a predicate to this conversation. So whether you believe in evolution, millions of years, or religion, thousands of years. You are not the first of your family line to be here.

Every one of your ancestors, maybe hundreds or thousands, needed a sweet tooth so they didnt eat poison and die, and they needed to store fat efficiently, and not waste energy ( be lazy). They also needed to worry about predators. We didnt always have guns, so you better worry all the time 24/7 about getting eaten

So we have established that you are a fat, lazy ice cream eating neurotic sitting on the couch, because you had to be. Its in your genes.

Today lets explore why you are fat, lazy, anxious and angry to boot. PS almost forgot, probably alcoholic too. Talk about getting glucose into your blood stream. Although a yo yo effect, hmm addicted anyone?

Sorry my brain is a little ADD. But so is yours. It is all wired together so every thought leads to another thought? The only difference is my brain is thinking. Your brain is jumping from one problem to another. Cant believe how much the brain actually does creative thinking when its not involved in protecting you by worrying about that animal ready to pounce on you. You do know that todays animal is not a lion, tiger or bear, its next months mortgage payment, the kid’s tuition, your boss, or if you are lucky, huge business loans, and your retirement account or lack of.

Wow what a bunch of interesting ideas to pursue. I believe I just gave myself a years worth of blogs. However lets finish this thought. As you can tell I have gotten good at not thinking of the dozens of real life challenges I could be worried, about and the expected doesnt make me angry, but I, and I am willing to bet a lot of us, get angry when people deviate from the norm or violate societal norms.

Heck Larry David’s whole persona on Curb Your Enthusiasm is based on that guy. 47 Emmy Nominations and 5 million viewers, and thats behind an HBO pay wall.

So here is my theory. Society does’nt exist without order. Seriously it is as big a threat to your life as the predator, running out of fuel (dont lose fat its the most efficient fuel) and your brain needing glucose or avoiding bitter, potentially poisons.

For me it feels like an aha moment. I know for all of you with what you think is bigger problems maybe not. I am totally vexed why I can be happy all day except for when that one asshole calls to sell me something and refuses to identify himself. I also agree with Larry David when the person on line for ice cream is trying 5 different ones. What the hell? that is a complete break down of society.

I expect murderers to murder, crooks to steal. But I dont expect District Attorneys to let them out of jail.

(the whole raison d’etre for Fox News. We might be on to something a lot bigger here. We all want society to work so we dont get killed. So when something deviates from the normal we absolutely are triggered to worry. It is existential.

Now if I can just remember that, so the next time I get a spam call selling solar and I ask three times what he is selling, just spit it out and he insists he is not selling he is offering me something great, I dont have to yell at him. Nor do I have to tell the next caller, “didnt your mother teach you manners? You are supposed to identify yourself when you call another person, or are you merely a bastard”. Hey Larry David, your protege is waiting, or is it Brad?

But seriously what do you think? I am going to start welcoming and publishing comments. We have a lot to think about. And I seriously wonder if others think or should I say feel, the same.

I think its wired into survival there must be some order and asking for 7 samples at the ice cream counter or driving slow in the fast lane will surely kill us. OK maybe not the ice cream samples. But if you have ever driven on the no speed limit autobahns in Europe, driving slow in the fast lane will kill you.

Google it. To this day people drive on the average 150 mph on the autobahn. I remember driving there when I was 17 and just wished when I got home that the asshole in the left lane here driving 49 miles an hour tried that shit in Germany and experienced the near death experience of someone coming up his butt at 150mph or more, and just maybe was able to slow down without killing him or her. Maybe they would think twice about self righteously sitting in the left lane even at 59 mph thinking they are the traffic cop of the word.

Life needs order and meaning it is not Nihilistic. In fact I prefer flow.

Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi takes on the problem of how to live a happier life. A meaningful life is one where the person spends his time in a state of optimal experience called Flow. To live a great life, all your goals must be unified in a way that produces the maximum amount of flow.

Flow doesnt happen when people deviate from the norms or sit and shit in the left lane of your life while you are trying to finally get in the flow and enjoy your life.

Dont step in a bear trap

| johnas9000

Have you ever had a day where everything was perfect? Had a day where your brain was just bubbling up with new ideas? A day where the sky was the limit? And then a well meaning friend asked you about an unresolved issue. In answering them you mentioned all the reasons why it cant be resolved and how the other person in that issue will never agree with your point of view. And then you start justifying why you are right.

Well about 5 minutes later. I was like, WTF just happened? I was so excited I was ready to start a new business, reach out to meet some new doctors and business people to work with. The sky was the limit. When are these shitty feelings and thoughts going to go away? How often does this actually happen?

Thank god I am actually present to what just happened. I think those of us with a brain that has enough wiring to not stick our hand in fire, probably have billions or trillions of connections that connect thought to other thoughts and feelings. So this would be inevitable for all of us.

You dont have to be a Harvard neuroscientist to recognize this. You just have to have enough connected brain cells to recognize dont stick your hand in fire. Dont cross in front of a car going 60 miles and hour less than 100 feet away. i guess things are connected in my brain. How did I know how fast the car was going, how fast it would get here, how fast I can run. What would be the consequences of crossing now. There is a plethora of information that is inextricabley woven to make complex calculations to save your life. You cant even argue that. Hmm what else has your brain stored? Maybe dont go out with guys who wear jeans? Dont go out with girls that are too self confident. Dont ever be too nice to anyone.

What kind of misinformation associated with pain is being stored with legitimate information? No matter what, you need to start recognizing happy thoughts and unhappy thoughts.

Choose wisely it will not only affect your mood. It will affect your productivity your relationship with others the quality of your days and ultimately the quality of your life.

This is what life is. Life is either a happy fun ride or a trek through shit. It doesnt matter if you are living in a prison or a prison of your mind on the 50th floor of a 100 million dollar condo on the beach, where you just arrived by private jet. We also know of suicides of people in that category. So there is no denying that if you dont have control of your mind, all the riches in the world cant make you happy.

You make the choice about what to think and you make the choice if you are going to be happy or sad. Its no different then what to wear for the day. Get that through your thick head. It is true. You need a method to do clutter clearing of your brain. Ha! another post., Clutter clear out the shit thoughts.

Osho. The Best Wisdom you will ever read

| johnas9000

How could I forget him? For those who have heard about him, he gets a bad rap. Some call him the sex guru. I heard his retreats are free-sex romps. I don’t know; I have never been. I disagree with his free-sex advice. But what he says is stunning, and he never wrote a book. All of the books are his speeches that people transcribed into books. They couldnt have been written more perfectly. It makes me wonder if his genius was channelled. I have never read words so perfectly put together with great effort, let alone in extemporaneous speech.


The reason he included sex in his retreats was because he believed Westerners had no idea what bliss is, with the only exception being orgasm. His goal was to teach us how to get to bliss. But reading what he said is so profound. He never wrote a book because he believed that if you are following anyone, you are already off the path. As you know, all religions are entirely narcissistic, and the leaders are often fraught with scandals. I am just suggesting that you read some of his extremely profound statements.

The fact that he never wrote a book speaks to the unique honesty in what he was teaching. No other spiritual or religious leader ever said, Don’t follow me, don’t praise me, follow yourself.

A tiny sampling.
“The greatest fear in the world is the opinion of others, and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep. You become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.”

“Listen to your being. It is continuously giving you hints; it is a still, small voice. It does not shout at you, that is true. And if you are a little silent you will start feeling your way. Be the person you are. Never try to be another, and you will become mature. Maturity is accepting the responsibility of being oneself, whatsoever the cost.”

“Drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece. You cannot be improved. You have only to come to it, to know it, to realize it.”

“Life begins where fear ends.”

“The moment you start seeing life as non-serious, a playfulness, all the burden on your heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love – everything disappears.”

These quotes reflect Osho’s emphasis on individual freedom, self-awareness, and the exploration of one’s true nature beyond societal conditioning.
He represented a real danger to society and organized religion. I can easily see why he probably was eliminated. He was jailed just long enough for a specific poison to be undetected in his autopsy. Makes sense to me. Everything I read that he said makes sense to.I have to put more here. Each one is magical.


“Truth is not to be found outside. No teacher, no scripture can give it to you. It is inside you and if you wish to attain it, seek your own company. Be with yourself. ”


“The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.”


“Be — don’t try to become”


“Life in itself has no meaning. Life is an opportunity to create meaning.”


“The great appeal of drugs in the West is only because the West has succeeded in destroying the right hemisphere completely because of compulsory education.” I agree 100%. Look at all of the geniuses who dropped out.


“Everybody is born creative, but very few people remain creative.”


“To be creative means to be in love with life. You can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty, you want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it.”


“Be realistic: Plan for a miracle”


“Intelligence is dangerous. Intelligence means you will start thinking on your own; you will start looking around on your own. You will not believe in the scriptures; you will believe only in your own experience.” hmm do you think they killed him?


“The less people know, the more stubbornly they know it.” I know a few of those people


“Courage Is a Love Affair with the Unknown”. Exactly


“A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.” even better than it is always darkest before the dawn

Dont give Bullshit complements

| johnas9000

Let me give you an example. You look great today, I want to acknowledge you, I loved your podcast. Huh? Those are bullshit? YES. If you are too lazy to spend one extra second thinking about what you specifically liked, just say nothing. As a matter of fact you will be seen as disingenuous or dishonest if you merely throw out a complement without specificity and you’ll have the opposite effect. They won’t trust you and they won’t trust anything you say. They might even view you as a superficial manipulative jerk.

It’s not that complicated. I was looking at a friends podcast yesterday she looked fabulous her face was lit up she had a lot of energy, her voice was great, she added humor and there was a ton of stuff I liked about it, that I could specifically tell her. I told her the blue color went well with her skin tone, and I thought her podcast was fabulous because of her energy and those things. See the difference? If you just tell someone you like some thing or they look great it’s bullshit. It’s lazy. Why can’t you take an extra second and ask yourself what you like about it?

If that’s too much trouble obviously you don’t care. As a matter fact when you give a genuine compliment. You are doing them a favor by giving them the “why”. So you’re helping them to repeat the behavior. So in addition the specific feedback you are giving them will probably have tremendous benefits for them. For example if you took the trouble to notice what color went well with that persons complexion or what energy or adjectives they used or excitement they brought that helped make their podcast interesting they can do it again. And to repeat, they are going to think you are bullshit if you give an empty, vapid complement. So there’s literally 180 degree difference between saying something as vapid as, “I want to acknowledge you versus giving a very specific itemize complement.” And a complement without specificity will have the opposite effect.