Most of us see ourselves less than what we truly are?

The Imposter Syndrome

What if what we think of as our imposter is actually our real identity? And what we think of as our real identity is just miles below what we truly are—and how others see us?

I see this in myself and in many of my friends—really accomplished people in their respective fields. And yet, I don’t think I have a single friend who truly sees how great they are. Let’s face it—we’ve all accomplished great things. We are doing things that are on par with some of the most famous people in the world. The only difference between us and “them” is that they have no humility. Or maybe it is us that is too humble.

I see this same pattern in all my friends. They’ve done incredible things—helped people find homes, in NJ Miami, secure financing, build websites more beautiful than those of the most prestigious studios in Beverly Hills. And yet, they don’t see themselves as remarkable. The only difference between them and those with millions of followers? Their opinion of themselves.

I see many doing astonishing things—raising an autistic child completely drug-free against doctors’ orders and standard of care, creating awards shows for legends like Quentin Tarantino and Robert De Niro, building things, helping people, coaching people, creating new paradigms in real estate—residential, commercial, even wholesale. The list is endless.

We all grew up with parents or guardians who, even with the best intentions, warned us about dangers to protect us. But in today’s world, there are no lions, tigers, or bears roaming the streets of New York City. Instead, we fear humiliation, rejection, or failure. We hesitate to start businesses, share our opinions, or take bold chances. And yet, the ones who do—who see themselves as capable—often meet with obscene success.

Most of us, aside from a few creatively or scientifically gifted individuals, have roughly the same abilities. The only real differentiator is how we see ourselves—or more precisely, who we believe ourselves to be.

The billionaires brag all the time about ordinary things. Their only difference is that they shout to the world that they are the best at what they do. I’m not talking about physical achievements, which can be easily measured. I mean in real estate, financing, law and other every day industries and professions.

In mine the gap is extraordinary. I can’t tell you how many lectures I’ve attended where a doctor is promoting CoolSculpting. Now, CoolSculpting is finally being recognized for the dangers it poses. In fact, supermodel Linda Evangelista sued them for $50 million. I was horrified by this technology back in 2016 and created two websites—coolsculpting.nyc and fatfreezingnewyork—to warn people. Yet there are still over 5,000 doctors still offering it, when there are dozens of safe radiofrequency alternative that dont post the risk of disfigurement and actually have a side effect of smoother tighter skin. 

Every day, I talk to people who have gone through unnecessary procedures because they didn’t trust their own judgment. Today, I spoke with a young woman who got so much Botox that she now thinks she needs a brow lift. That’s insane. Too much Botox—shame on that doctor. The Botox will wear off in three to five months, and now he is recommending a surgery? A brow lift could permanently disfigure her. Instead, we’ll likely reinvigorate her muscles with Emface.

I’ve done many things that, by any objective measure, I could consider myself world-famous for. In my old career in Graphic Arts, I lectured at the Harvard Club in New York, helped create the standards for PDF, and transmitted the first digital ad to Time Magazine. But

The only difference between you and the ones with millions of followers is how you see yourself. PERIOD. No one can see you higher than you see yourself. And often, we see ourselves much lower than everyone else does.

It’s time to shift that perspective. PS kudos to Anthony Robbins, he alluded to attaching ourselves to our “imposter” version of ourselves.

Reconciling: No one is more or less than you.

Everyone Has a Little Boy or Girl Inside: Understanding Imposter Syndrome

Have you ever found yourself in a moment of doubt, feeling like you don’t quite belong or deserve the success you’ve achieved? Maybe you’ve heard a little voice inside saying, “Who do you think you are?” This inner critic, this feeling of being an imposter, is surprisingly common. It’s called imposter syndrome, and it affects people from all walks of life.

The Little Boy or Girl Inside Us

At the heart of imposter syndrome is the notion that deep within each of us, there exists a little boy or girl who still harbors childhood insecurities and fears. This inner child is the part of us that remembers the times we felt unsure, inadequate, or simply not good enough. As we grow older, we often carry these feelings with us, even as we accumulate knowledge, skills, and achievements.

Why Do We Feel Like Imposters?

  1. High Expectations: Society often sets incredibly high standards, making it easy to feel like we’re falling short. When we measure our worth against these standards, it’s no wonder we sometimes feel like imposters.
  2. Comparison Culture: In today’s world of social media, it’s easy to compare our behind-the-scenes with others’ highlight reels. This comparison can amplify feelings of inadequacy, as we only see the polished success of others and not their struggles and failures.
  3. Perfectionism: Many of us strive for perfection, believing that anything less than flawless is not good enough. This mindset can lead to constant self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Embracing Our Inner Child

To overcome imposter syndrome, it’s essential to embrace and nurture that little boy or girl inside us. Here are some steps to help:

  1. Acknowledge Your Inner Child: Recognize that the feelings of inadequacy are a part of your inner child. Acknowledge these emotions without judgment and understand that they are a natural part of being human.
  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer to a dear friend. Remember that everyone makes mistakes and has moments of self-doubt.
  3. Celebrate Your Achievements: Take time to reflect on your accomplishments and the hard work that got you there. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.
  4. Seek Support: Share your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Talking about your experiences can help you realize that you’re not alone and that imposter syndrome is something many people face.
  5. Reframe Your Thinking: Challenge negative thoughts and reframe them in a more positive light. Instead of thinking, “I don’t belong here,” try thinking, “I worked hard to get here, and I deserve this.”

Moving Forward with Confidence

Imposter syndrome doesn’t have to hold you back. By acknowledging and nurturing your inner child, practicing self-compassion, and celebrating your achievements, you can move forward with confidence. Remember, everyone has that little boy or girl inside, and it’s okay to feel vulnerable sometimes. Embrace your journey, with all its ups and downs, and trust in your ability to grow and succeed. You are not an imposter; you are wonderfully and uniquely you.