family

The Golden Retriever Approach: Another Distinction on Rapport

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In my journey of understanding rapport, I’ve often seen myself as a golden retriever. I get so happy and excited to see a friend that I run to them, jump on them, and smother them with enthusiasm before even checking in to see how they’re doing. This approach, while full of love and energy, can sometimes be overwhelming and not quite what the other person needs in the moment.

A memorable instance of this happened with my dear friend Dr. Oz Garcia. I eagerly approached him with my usual exuberance, only to realize he was in the middle of a session with a client. Whoops! It was a clear reminder that my energy needed to be more attuned to the situation.

This idea was beautifully expanded upon in a conversation with Fernando Valencia. He said, “Great, let’s go with your golden retriever analogy. Imagine you’re with a sad person. Sure, the overactive dog might get a half-baked smile, but what if the dog gently placed its head on that person’s lap and waited? As the person feels a little better, perhaps they might be ready to come out and play.”

This simple yet profound image stayed with me. It highlighted the power of matching energy and being present at the other person’s pace.

In a serendipitous twist, Judy Katz, a renowned writer, shared with me a manuscript of her upcoming book, Galaxy: Lessons Learned from a Canine Hero. This touching story is about a severely abused bulldog who became an extraordinary therapy dog. One of his greatest healing moments involved a deeply wounded veteran who isolated himself in a dark room. The bulldog, sensing the veteran’s pain, didn’t nudge or seek attention. Instead, he just placed his head on the veteran’s lap, patiently waiting. Over time, this gentle presence led to the veteran inviting the dog in, and eventually, it helped him heal.

This story encapsulates the essence of meeting someone at their emotional level. Sometimes, it’s about being there quietly, offering comfort through your presence, and waiting until they’re ready to engage.

Final Thoughts

The lessons from these experiences and stories show that caring alone isn’t enough. Listening alone isn’t enough. Even love, in its most exuberant form, isn’t always enough. True rapport and connection come from making the other person feel seen, felt, heard, and understood. These are four distinct aspects, each deserving deep exploration and practice.

If you’re eager to delve deeper into these nuances and learn how to build meaningful connections, I highly recommend exploring the teachings from Unblinded and keeping an eye out for Judy Katz’s upcoming book, Galaxy: Lessons Learned from a Canine Hero. When it’s released, grab a copy – and if it doesn’t move you to tears, I’ll personally refund your money.

Remember, building real rapport often means slowing down, matching their energy, and being a comforting presence. It’s a practice that, when mastered, creates magical and transformative connections.

Your Nuclear Family is Constantly Changing

| johnas9000

Family. It’s a word that holds so much weight and emotion. Yet, the concept of a nuclear family is not static. It evolves, shifts, and sometimes, it can be a painful transition.

I remember a time when it was always myself and my two sisters. We were inseparable, and I believed that nothing could come between us. I thought it would always be just us, standing together above everyone else, forever. But then life threw us a curveball. My father passed away, and suddenly, we were thrust into discussions about his estate. I was shocked, stunned, and incredulous. I lost it completely because their partners had different opinions, and I just couldn’t understand why. But then it hit me—they had their own nuclear families now. And naturally, loyalty to your nuclear family comes first.

That phase passed, and now we are back to being as close as possible, even though we live in different places.

Recently, I spoke with someone who had grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t speak or see his children much, as they have their own families and even grandchildren. Generational nuclear families are a reality. The dynamic changes with each generation, creating new families within families.

There are those Kodak moments—remember those? I guess Kodak moments have been replaced by Facebook moments. That’s a topic for another post. Yes, you will see that picture when everyone is together, spanning three generations. It might happen once a year. When I was little, we all gathered at grandmother’s house for most of the holidays. Sadly, most families today don’t spend much time with three generations present very often. As much as I loved seeing all my cousins, it really didn’t happen that often, maybe at Christmas and Thanksgiving.

As the family grew, each side started having their own gatherings. The nuclear family is constantly expanding, breaking off, and even contracting. The elders are not necessarily always revered, especially in this country. I admire cultures where families remain closer, where the elders are respected and cherished.

Sadly, the true essence of family life seems to be getting lost and replaced with, well, I don’t even know what—iPhones?

It’s natural for your nuclear family to change. It’s part of life. Embrace the transitions, cherish the moments, and remember that family, in whatever form it takes, is a constant evolution.

The Golden Retriever Approach: Another Distinction on Rapport

| johnas9000

In my journey of understanding rapport, I’ve often seen myself as a golden retriever. I get so happy and excited to see a friend that I run to them, jump on them, and smother them with enthusiasm before even checking in to see how they’re doing. This approach, while full of love and energy, can sometimes be overwhelming and not quite what the other person needs in the moment.

A memorable instance of this happened with my dear friend Dr. Oz Garcia. I eagerly approached him with my usual exuberance, only to realize he was in the middle of a session with a client. Whoops! It was a clear reminder that my energy needed to be more attuned to the situation.

This idea was beautifully expanded upon in a conversation with Fernando Valencia. He said, “Great, let’s go with your golden retriever analogy. Imagine you’re with a sad person. Sure, the overactive dog might get a half-baked smile, but what if the dog gently placed its head on that person’s lap and waited? As the person feels a little better, perhaps they might be ready to come out and play.”

This simple yet profound image stayed with me. It highlighted the power of matching energy and being present at the other person’s pace.

In a serendipitous twist, Judy Katz, a renowned writer, shared with me a manuscript of her upcoming book, Galaxy: Lessons Learned from a Canine Hero. This touching story is about a severely abused bulldog who became an extraordinary therapy dog. One of his greatest healing moments involved a deeply wounded veteran who isolated himself in a dark room. The bulldog, sensing the veteran’s pain, didn’t nudge or seek attention. Instead, he just placed his head on the veteran’s lap, patiently waiting. Over time, this gentle presence led to the veteran inviting the dog in, and eventually, it helped him heal.

This story encapsulates the essence of meeting someone at their emotional level. Sometimes, it’s about being there quietly, offering comfort through your presence, and waiting until they’re ready to engage.

Final Thoughts

The lessons from these experiences and stories show that caring alone isn’t enough. Listening alone isn’t enough. Even love, in its most exuberant form, isn’t always enough. True rapport and connection come from making the other person feel seen, felt, heard, and understood. These are four distinct aspects, each deserving deep exploration and practice.

If you’re eager to delve deeper into these nuances and learn how to build meaningful connections, I highly recommend exploring the teachings from Unblinded and keeping an eye out for Judy Katz’s upcoming book, Galaxy: Lessons Learned from a Canine Hero. When it’s released, grab a copy – and if it doesn’t move you to tears, I’ll personally refund your money.

Remember, building real rapport often means slowing down, matching their energy, and being a comforting presence. It’s a practice that, when mastered, creates magical and transformative connections.

Your worst upbringing created your greatest talent

| johnas9000

So far 100% of the people I know personally and or famous people on line are a product of really shitty upbringing. We have infamous Andrew Huberman. He said his dad was so violent, that he needed to read him in a few seconds to know whether to hide his mother and sister from what he read as a potentially violent night. I have a wonderful partner that I work with practicing the Sedona method. Her voice is so loving. Her caring and taking notes and wanting to dig a little deeper and try another method is simply unmatched by anyone. She is going to be, or already is a fabulous loving coach, due to her upbringing. We dont go into detail because there is a lot of pain, but we do general releasing and accepting.

I desperately wanted “approval” Approval shows up in many ways. My dad always worked 3 jobs until he had his own business, then he merely worked 18 hours a day. I was desperate for my dad to spend time with me or listen to me. As a result I will always try to please everyone to a fault. I even go out of my way to make friends with vendors and everyone I deal with. Whatever went on in your childhood made you who you are. Maybe your parents demanded straight A’s. Maybe they were impossible to please. Maybe they were alcholics. Maybe they separated. Whatever they did made you who you are. But for most of the people I know, it has become their greatest strength.

Many a successful person has articulated that they wanted to prove something to their parents, or one of their parents. Enjoy your greatest talent, that is my message with this blog. Dont be upset, dont be resentful. If you grew up poor, be grateful that you are motivated to be rich. If you grew up without love, notice how you are probably the most loving person you know. Enjoy your strengths, just be sure no one is taking advantage of your strengths and turning them into weaknesses.