Introduction: This morning, while working with AI on a video I had made, I noticed it automatically removed all the filler words like “um” and pauses. A conversation with a friend later reminded me that pauses are sometimes better left in for emphasis. This got me thinking about the nuances of our everyday conversations.

The Role of Pauses and Fillers:

1. Do we use filler words like “um” out of fear that a long pause might prompt others to start talking, interrupting our thought process?
2. How do different speaking and thinking styles affect our conversations?
3. What about those who enjoy multiple conversation threads versus those who prefer focused, single-topic discussions?

The Pause Experiment: What if we intentionally paused for 5 seconds before responding in every conversation?

• Would this make the other person feel more heard and understood?
• Is 5 seconds the ideal duration, or should it vary?

Alternative Listening Techniques:

1. Repeating back what we’ve heard for accuracy
2. Asking follow-up “why” questions
3. Being more specific in our responses, similar to giving detailed compliments

Call to Action: I’m challenging myself to experiment with these ideas over the next few weeks. I invite you to join me in this experiment. Consider how your relationships might benefit from:

1. Allowing for natural pauses
2. Ensuring you’ve heard everything the other person has to say
3. Providing specific feedback to show you’ve truly listened and understood

Conclusion: Just as we’ve discussed the importance of being specific with compliments in a previous blog, perhaps we need to apply the same level of intentionality to our listening and feedback. This could be the key to making others feel genuinely heard and understood in our conversations.