Happiness

Take 60 seconds every waking hour to move—stretch, breathe, walk. It keeps your body energized and your mind clear. That adds up to 2 hours of exercise a week. No sweat, all benefit—for your whole being.

The Resistance takes longer than the Doing

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The Real Time-Waster: Resistance or Action?

Have you ever noticed how the time spent resisting a task often far exceeds the time it would take to actually do it? Call it what you will—stress, friction, apprehension, or even “preparation.” But let’s be honest: more often than not, it’s procrastination in disguise.

Yes, good preparation is important, but I’d bet any amount of money that what most of us are doing is not true preparation. It’s procrastination. We’ve all been there—whether it’s making a cold call for a real estate listing, reaching out to a doctor’s office to sell equipment, or contacting a bar to pitch a product. The actual task takes mere seconds. And yet, many of us spend hours—sometimes even days—dragging our feet before we finally do it.

Nike had it right with their slogan, “Just do it.” But here’s the twist: this mindset applies even more to business than it does to sports. Think about it. How many times have you hesitated on making that first move in a business venture, like buying a piece of real estate? I’m certain that every single person reading this can reflect back on a property or a home they didn’t buy 20 years ago, which has since quadrupled in value.

Here’s an example we can all relate to: taxes. Everyone talks for months about “doing their taxes.” When it finally happens, it’s usually just five minutes of downloading 1099s and a W-2. Yet, we manage to procrastinate so much that some of us end up filing for an extension or even paying a late penalty.

The point of this post is simple: Just do it. Be present to the absolute fact that you waste more time in resistance than you do in the actual doing. Recognize when you’re caught up in the cycle of procrastination, and remind yourself that the task at hand is likely much easier and quicker than you’ve built it up to be.

So, the next time you find yourself hesitating, stop. Take a breath, acknowledge the resistance, and then take that first step. You’ll find that the doing is often far less painful—and far more rewarding—than the resisting.

Politics? Everything You Need to Know: Dont

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Has There Ever Been an Election Won by One Vote?

Consider this: has there ever been an election won by a single vote? Yet, some are willing to sacrifice friendships and family relationships over political disagreements. If it’s not your job to engage in political debate, what are you thinking? You’re not going to change anyone’s mind. Politics is deeply personal. Are you a business owner or a union worker? Your political views might differ for perfectly understandable reasons.

Politics at the Core of Being

Politics touches the core of our being. As the Sedona Method states, the core wants in life are security, control, approval, oneness, and separation. Politics is intertwined with these fundamental desires, which is why people become so heated. Many feel that if the “other guy” wins, their very existence is threatened.

A Global Perspective

Here’s a news flash: over a billion people live in Communist China. A friend recently returned from visiting the poorest people in rural China, where one household of five men shared a single pair of pants. Yet, she noticed that despite their poverty, people smiled more there than in New York. The point is, both sides in our political spectrum fear that if the “other guy” wins, our country will become as authoritarian as North Korea or China. But guess what? In Communist China, people seem happier than we do.

Is It Worth It?

This is about as extreme an example as I can give to make my point: is it really worth losing a friendship or family relationship over political disagreements? Perhaps it’s time to rethink what’s important in this world.

The Reality Check

P.S. Both sides in politics become multimillionaires after just a few years of earning $150,000 annually. How does that happen? The system is corrupt, and both sides are benefiting from it. Remember, you’re not going to change anyone’s mind, and even if you did, that one vote won’t change an election. If you’re on a stage with thousands of people listening, by all means, make your case. But one-on-one? You’re just being foolish if it’s not your job.

Final Thought

Next time you find yourself in a heated political debate with a loved one, take a step back and consider what really matters. Is winning the argument worth losing the relationship? Probably not. You’re not going to convince them, and even if you did, it wouldn’t change the outcome of the election. Focus on what unites you rather than what divides you, and you might find more peace and happiness in your interactions.

Channel Surfing for Perspective

Here’s another thought: I’ve often asked my closest friends to swap TV channels for a week so we can have a more balanced discussion about politics. Every single one of them has refused. My sister tried the same with her friends and got the same hard no.

This is simply ignorant. I often channel surf to understand what everyone is thinking. I learned this in 1990 during Gulf War 1. I watched Fox News, which regaled a successful bombing mission in Iraq with many enemy casualties. Then I surfed to CNN, where they described the same mission as unsuccessful because of civilian casualties. Al Jazeera reported that Americans had bombed a school. All these outlets were talking about the same mission.

So, if today you’re hearing completely opposite messages from different channels, wake up. Both sides claim that the other’s victory would mean the end of democracy. My advice? Stop listening to the noise and ask yourself which policies align with your best interests. It’s not that complicated. People’s views will naturally differ, and that’s okay. Have some respect and empathy for others—they’re simply reacting to what they’re hearing.

A Final Observation

News anchors on both sides earn up to $30 million a year to read a teleprompter. I’d bet that anyone reading this would happily do the same, even for their most hated political stance, if offered that kind of money. As long as we continue to be pawns in the clickbait game that fuels these obscene salaries, the hyperbolic reporting will continue.

A friend of mine runs a blog about SEO (Search Engine Optimization). When he wants more traffic, he posts something political. The anger and hate he stirs up generate a flurry of comments and activity. And that, my friends, is the game we’re all caught in.

Sharing is Not Listening & The Power of Mini Outcomes

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In our quest to build stronger relationships, two powerful concepts often get overlooked: the distinction between sharing and listening, and the importance of being mini outcome-oriented. These ideas, when understood combined and applied, can transform how we connect with others, especially our loved ones.

The Misconception: Sharing is Listening

It’s easy to confuse sharing with listening. We might believe that talking about our day, our experiences, or our thoughts is a way of connecting with others. While sharing has its place, it is not synonymous with listening. Listening requires presence and silence, allowing the other person to feel truly heard and valued.

Key Points:

  1. Presence Over Sharing: When our goal is to build closer rapport with a child, friend, or partner, listening takes precedence over sharing. True connection is often found in the silent spaces where the other person feels acknowledged and understood.
  2. Purpose of Interaction: Every interaction, even a quick chat, has a purpose or a mini outcome. If the goal is to make someone feel loved and appreciated, then listening is far more effective than sharing about oneself.
  3. Counterproductive Sharing: Interrupting or butting into a conversation with our own stories or thoughts can undermine the goal of making someone feel valued. It shifts the focus away from them and back to us, which can be counterproductive.

Being Mini Outcome Oriented

Why isn’t everything outcome-oriented? More specifically, why don’t we adopt a mini outcome-oriented approach in our interactions? Mini outcomes refer to small, specific goals that guide our actions and conversations. By focusing on these, we can enhance the quality and impact of our interactions.

Key Points:

  1. Defining Mini Outcomes: A mini outcome is a clear, small goal for an interaction. For example, if you’re having a five-minute phone call with a friend, the mini outcome might be to make them feel appreciated.
  2. Clarity and Intention: By defining mini outcomes, we bring clarity and intention to our interactions. This helps us stay focused and ensures that our actions align with our goals.
  3. Higher Purpose: While this approach might seem serious and business-like, it serves a higher purpose: sharing the love and appreciation we have for our loved ones. When we listen more and share less, we create a space for others to feel genuinely valued.

The Transformative Power of Listening

Listening, in its truest form, is a powerful act of love and presence. It goes beyond mere silence; it’s about being fully present and engaged with the other person. This type of listening can lead to profound connections and deeper relationships.

Personal Reflections:

  1. Experiences and Acknowledgements: I’ve experienced astonishing life-altering acknowledgements and feedback from people who already appreciated my presence in their lives. Yet, with each distinction and focus on listening, these connections have taken quantum leaps.
  2. Learning and Growth: Interacting with friends and partners who are also committed to learning and growth has shown me the magic of deep connections. By focusing on listening and being present, we uplevel each other and find joy in every moment, regardless of circumstances.

Conclusion

Sharing and listening are not the same. When our goal is to build stronger, more meaningful relationships, we must prioritize listening and adopt a mini outcome-oriented approach. By being present and silent, we create a space for others to feel truly valued and loved. This simple yet powerful shift can transform our interactions and deepen our connections with those we care about most. Would you be willing to try it? To listen more, share less, and see the magic unfold in your relationships?

The Paradox of False Humility, Narcissism, and Hidden Talents

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In today’s world, we often witness a curious paradox. Some individuals with minimal contributions proudly declare their greatness, while others, endowed with remarkable gifts, hesitate to share them, fearing they might overshadow the divine or seem boastful. This paradox raises profound questions about humility, narcissism, and our responsibility to use our talents for the greater good.

False Humility: A Mask for Inaction

False humility often disguises itself as modesty, but in reality, it can be a barrier to action. When we downplay our abilities, attributing them entirely to external factors or divine intervention, we might believe we are being humble. However, this mindset can prevent us from acknowledging our unique contributions and taking ownership of our actions.

Key Points:

  1. Underestimating Self-Worth: People with false humility often downplay their achievements, believing they are unworthy or incapable of making a significant impact.
  2. Fear of Arrogance: The fear of being perceived as arrogant can lead to inaction. By not sharing our gifts, we miss opportunities to inspire and help others.
  3. Divine Credit: While it is essential to recognize a higher power in our lives, we must also acknowledge that our talents are given to us to be used, not hidden.

Narcissism: The Empty Vessel

On the other end of the spectrum lies narcissism, where individuals with little to offer loudly proclaim their superiority. This behavior stems from a need for validation and attention, often masking deep-seated insecurities.

Key Points:

  1. Self-Promotion: Narcissists are skilled at promoting themselves, regardless of their actual contributions. This behavior can be misleading and create a false sense of competence.
  2. Insecurity: Underneath the bravado, narcissists often struggle with feelings of inadequacy, seeking external validation to fill an internal void.
  3. Impact on Others: This behavior can demotivate genuinely talented individuals, leading them to question their own abilities.

Hiding Behind Inaction: A Lost Opportunity

Many people with extraordinary talents hesitate to share them, believing they are not giving credit to God or fearing they might appear boastful. However, this inaction can deprive the world of their unique contributions and potential impact.

Key Points:

  1. Misperception of Humility: True humility involves recognizing our talents as gifts and using them to serve others, rather than hiding them out of fear.
  2. Responsibility to Share: If we believe our talents are divinely bestowed, it becomes our responsibility to use them for the greater good.
  3. Helping Others: By sharing our gifts, we can inspire, uplift, and help others in ways we might never anticipate.

Finding the Balance

Balancing humility, self-recognition, and action is key to making a positive impact. Here are some ways to find that balance:

  1. Self-Reflection: Regularly reflect on your abilities and contributions. Recognize your strengths and areas for growth without diminishing your self-worth.
  2. Gratitude and Acknowledgment: Acknowledge your talents as gifts, and express gratitude for them. Understand that using these gifts is a way of honoring their source.
  3. Purposeful Action: Use your talents with the intention of serving others. Focus on the impact you can make rather than the recognition you might receive.

Conclusion

Navigating the complex interplay between false humility, narcissism, and our responsibility to use our talents is challenging but essential. By understanding these dynamics, we can better appreciate our gifts, use them purposefully, and inspire others to do the same. In doing so, we honor both our abilities and the source from which they come, making a meaningful difference in the world.

John’s Hierarchy, Not Maslow: Feel, Do, Be

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It’s simply: Feel, Do, Be. Feeling being the lowest? Huh? Yes, if you operate solely by your feelings, you are no different than animals or a baby. Thats when you have those days when you feel like you are being bounced around in a pinball machine. Not good. Yet, this becomes a bit paradoxical because at our highest level of being, we are indeed feeling. So let’s break it down and see if we can integrate it all.

Feeling, Doing, Being: A Hierarchy of Living Life

In our journey through life, we often navigate different stages of existence, each with its own set of challenges and rewards. One way to conceptualize this journey is through the hierarchy of feeling, doing, and being. These stages represent a progression from basic emotional responses to purposeful actions, and ultimately, to a state of mindful existence.

Feeling: The Foundation of Experience

At the most fundamental level, our lives are driven by feelings. Emotions are the immediate, often instinctive responses to our surroundings and experiences. They form the foundation of our interactions with the world, influencing our decisions and actions. While living in the realm of feeling can be intense and overwhelming, it is an essential part of our humanity. Embracing and understanding our emotions is the first step towards personal growth. It becomes a challenge to respond vs react, and often purposeful action becomes elusive.

Doing: The Stage of Action

As we move beyond mere feelings, we enter the stage of doing. This is where our actions take shape, driven by goals, responsibilities, and ambitions. Emotional maturity kicks in, and we do regardless of how we feel. Doing involves applying our emotional insights to create tangible outcomes. It is in this stage that we build our careers, nurture relationships, and contribute to society. While doing is often associated with productivity and achievement, it is also about finding purpose and meaning in our daily activities.

Being: The Pinnacle of Existence

The final stage, being, is about achieving a state of mindfulness and authentic existence. It transcends the immediate reactions of feeling and the purposeful actions of doing. Being is characterized by self-awareness, inner peace, and a deep connection to the present moment. It is about living in harmony with oneself and the world, embracing both the highs and lows of life with equanimity. In the state of being, we find true fulfillment and contentment.

Integrating Feeling, Doing, and Being

While these stages can be seen as a hierarchy, they are not mutually exclusive. A balanced life involves integrating feeling, doing, and being in a way that allows us to navigate the complexities of existence with grace and wisdom. By acknowledging our emotions, taking purposeful actions, and cultivating mindfulness, we can lead richer, more meaningful lives.

This hierarchy is not about prioritizing one stage over the other but about recognizing their interdependence. Feeling is the foundation that informs our doing, and being is the state that allows us to reflect on and appreciate both.

By embracing this hierarchy, we can strive to live fully, acknowledging our emotions, taking action with intention, and cultivating a mindful presence. In fact at this point we should probably add a final step called Flow. That is when you are being and everything is just flowing. You have had those moments. Reflect back on some of them. It was when everything magically fell into place. It had a lot to do with where you were at and how you were acting and being. Being in the flow, where magic happens and everything falls into place can be cultivated and experienced more often. Life should be lived as much as possible in the flow where you enjoy the most joy every moment of your short time on this planet.

Not Caring Is the Highest Form of Caring

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I know it sounds backwards, but it’s true. The problem is we don’t have the right vocabulary to express it. Should I say “not being attached to the outcome”? Let’s explore this concept with the greatest love of all—not self-love, but the love for your children.

Of course, you should ensure your children don’t get run over by a car, but maybe that’s where it should begin and end. You’re probably aware that some of the greatest successes in the world dropped out of college: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Michael Dell. Even Quentin Tarantino and Richard Branson dropped out of high school. So, “caring” and trying to impose your ideas and rules on your child might actually be a bit selfish.

Now, let’s segue to your partner. If you “want” them to do something supposedly for their own good, why is that? It’s often for your own benefit. Are you starting to get it? I’m sure there have been times when you said, “I no longer care,” and then, like a bolt of lightning, everything changed for the better. Because, said or unsaid, you were trying to control the other person and the outcome. That is not love or unselfishness at all.

It’s hard, but it’s much like most parents know: there is definitely a time, sooner or later, when it’s time to let go. Calling it “not caring” might be easier for us Westerners to understand because we are venturing into Eastern philosophical territory here. Detachment, not indifference, allows for growth and true connection.

The idea is to love deeply and unconditionally while letting go of the desire to control the outcome. This kind of love respects the autonomy and individuality of others. It’s about supporting without dictating, guiding without forcing, and loving without binding.

Think about it. When you let go of the need to control, you create space for true growth, freedom, and authentic relationships. This is the highest form of caring—not imposing your will, but allowing the natural course of life to unfold, trusting that love and respect will guide the way.

Want further proof? What about parents who “spoil” their children vs those that insist their children work and do all the things that made them successful? I know my father actually told me, now that I am remembering it. “I worked hard so you wouldnt have to” Dont get a summer job, learn something. That didnt work out for me at all. I went through hell from 16 to 26. Just thought of those words as I was writing this. So to conclude, detach, its not about you, its what you can do to empower your loved ones, your children, your partner. Often it is allowing them to learn allowing them to be accountable, allowing them to learn the hard lessons of life. So maybe it might look like “not caring” to an outsider. But its the greatest gift you can give to people you love.

Need further proof. Nobody knows better than Alcoholics Anonymous. 2 million members in 180 countries. The most successful treatment program for the most ubiquitously available drug on the planet. What did they have to create? AL-anon. What do they teach? That helping is enabling. Most of what they teach applies to everyone and everything. Something as simple as the serenity prayer applies to every thing in every day. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

Lets leave it at that since it applies to everything including the subject of this blog.

Is It Crazier to Date Halfway Across the World or the Guy You Bumped Into on the Street?

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Is it crazier to date someone halfway across the world or the guy you bumped into on the street? The hit show “90 Day Fiancé” has become a cultural phenomenon, showcasing the chaotic and often humorous attempts of people trying to find love in a different country and culture. But who is crazier—the one who pursued someone based on an online profile, searching for their “soul mate” in the digital realm, or the person who started dating someone they met on the street or at work?

I don’t have the definitive answer. Maybe ChatGPT has some statistics on which relationships are more likely to succeed. Or perhaps the real answer lies in the commitment to making any relationship work. Relationships are complex, and they go through various phases. Are you willing to grow through these phases?

For instance, the dynamic of both partners working is different from one where one partner works while the other stays home to raise children. But that’s a topic for another post. Let’s focus on this one.

Where did you find your partner? Do you believe in soul mates? Is there a right or wrong way to find love? Whether you met your significant other through a chance encounter on the street, at work, or halfway across the world, the key is your willingness to invest in the relationship and grow together.

Personally, I don’t think people even begin to ask the right questions. Just yesterday, my younger friend admitted he doesn’t even know if the woman he married really wants to have kids. Talk about basics! The problem could also be that when you started dating, neither of you cared about having kids, but then one of you changed your mind.

Again, it all comes back to communication. Communication. That is step 1, step 2, and step 3.

At least the people in “90 Day Fiancé” were intentional in looking for someone, despite the often disastrous consequences. They made a conscious decision to seek out a partner, even if it meant navigating the complexities of different cultures and long-distance relationships. This intentionality is something to be admired, as it reflects a deliberate effort to find love.

Love can be found in the most unexpected places, and every relationship has its unique journey. The important thing is to be present, committed, and open to the growth that comes with each phase of the relationship. So, whether you found love next door or across the globe, cherish the connection and be ready to navigate the challenges together.

II just realized I forgot to share my own experiences, which you might find humorous and offer yet another perspective worthy of deeper thought and conversation. I dated a lot of Armenian girls in my culture. I also dated a woman I met at the impound at 4 a.m.—you know, the place where they tow your car? (I figured we both shared a disregard for the law). There was also a girl renting a house across the street in the Hamptons who was hitchhiking to town to buy more liquor for her party. And finally, I dated a surgeon I admired and respected for her smarts, intelligence, and beauty. I did learn one thing: They say don’t marry a litigator because they are trained to argue. A surgeon, on the other hand, must be right 110% of the time, or you could die—or be blinded in the case of an eye surgeon. So, I’ve had to grow exponentially.

Maybe that should be my final thought: No matter where you are or who you are with, what if you became the most peaceful, thoughtful listener with presence, so that your partner feels “seen, heard, felt, and understood?” I would bet that 99% of all relationship issues would dissolve if we merely listened with all of our hearts, no matter where we met our partner. Go re-read every post on listening. It’s the way you watch a movie—hang on their every word. Wait 5 seconds after they finish speaking, and then wait another 5 seconds. Ask if they have anything else they want to share, and then ask permission to speak. Again, that alone will solve 99% of your problems. I wish you were paying $5,000 for this advice—not to me, but to a charity—so that you would have an idea how valuable this advice is.

In Your Life or on Your Phone?

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I don’t see anyone in their life these days. I challenge you to walk one block, whether you’re in the suburbs or the city. I’d bet that 90% of the people you pass are looking at a device, risking getting run over by a car, or they’re talking to someone on their device. Parents have to fight with their kids to get off their phones, even at mealtime. It’s actually rare to hear a parent say that devices are not allowed at the dinner table. That is crazy.

The whole “Be here now” concept no longer exists. Sure, you might be one of those who doesn’t allow devices at the dinner table—woo hoo! But what about the other 23 hours of the day when your kids or even your partner are glued to their devices?

I don’t know where this is going. I hope we don’t all get brain cancer. Cell phones have only been commercially available for around 40 years, compared to the millions of years humans have been on this planet. But even worse is that no one is present in their life anymore. The most important interaction in life is completely missing. How can you possibly listen to another human being while you’re looking at your device?

How often have you seen the person you are with distracted by a beep, buzz, or ding on their phone? How important does that make you feel? In fact, we all make allowances for that. “Sure, if you get an important call, no problem—just drop me, we are friends?” That’s a weird statement, but I make it all the time. So I guess that makes our device the most important person in our life, doesn’t it?

We all need to spend a lot more time trying to be present in our lives and turn our devices off. Or at least spend a lot less time on them. Being present is not just a quaint idea—it’s essential for meaningful connections and a fulfilling life. Let’s challenge ourselves to put down the phone and truly engage with the world and the people around us.

Facebook or Fakebook?

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When was the last time anyone posted a photo of themselves taking a poop? Probably never. There have been 2.5 trillion posts on Facebook, and I doubt anyone has ever shared such a candid moment. Maybe a few weirdos, but the point is you could be living the most miserable life, and yet, the one time you are someplace exciting or on vacation, that’s the post you put on Facebook. You and your partner could fight 24/7, 365 days a year, but the one time you have your arms around each other smiling—even if it’s only for two seconds—that’s the photo that ends up on Facebook.

There are countless books on the Facebook effect, detailing how this social media platform distorts reality and amplifies feelings of inadequacy and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). If you want to be miserable, spend more time on Facebook. You could have a 100-foot yacht parked in Palm Beach with 50 of your closest friends and family, but the moment you open Facebook, you’ll see a childhood friend in Ibiza or Monte Carlo with a 250-foot yacht surrounded by celebrities, friends, movie stars, and models. The comparing of status never ends. It’s just a natural human tendency.

Why do we compare ourselves? That’s a topic worth exploring. But for now, I have a proposal: don’t steal it! I propose “Worstbook” to compete with Facebook. On Worstbook, you are only allowed to post your worst moments so others will know you also go to the bathroom, have had diarrhea, and have been sick and miserable here and there. You aren’t allowed to post happy times. It’s simply an honest collection of your worst, most embarrassing, and funniest moments. And don’t try to sneak in a photo of a movie star spilling a drink on you while you were on a yacht—you’ll be canceled from Worstbook.

Stop looking at everyone else’s best day of their life and start enjoying the depth of your own life. Get off your device. Stop looking at posts, stop scrolling through Twitter and TikTok. It’s all not real, and it’s not here right now.

Enjoy the moment you are in, with all its imperfections and challenges. After all, those are the moments that make life real and meaningful.