Happiness

Take 60 seconds every waking hour to move—stretch, breathe, walk. It keeps your body energized and your mind clear. That adds up to 2 hours of exercise a week. No sweat, all benefit—for your whole being.

We are all drug addicts

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All human beings are drug addicts of some sort.

Do you like to feel happy? ( dopamine) Do you like to feel calm or at peace? ( serotonin and or GABA) Do you like the feeling of a loved ones touch? Do you love the feeling of the touch of your baby? Its oxytocin. Read more about Oxytocin on PubMed.

Have you ever run 5 miles or engaged in any sport where you literally felt “high” when it was over? Endorphins, the same chemical that is released when you take morphine.

Do you like those feelings? Do you like feeling sad? Do you like feeling depressed? Have you ever eaten carbohydrates to an excess? Do you ever crave chocolate? Do you ever crave anything sweet? Do you play video games? Do you watch TV? Do you feel good after speaking to a loved one?

Have you ever felt an uncontrolled desire to eat carbs or something sweet? Its all drugs. In fact craving sweets might simply be low blood sugar. That could be easily cured with more protein and fat in your meals so your blood sugar stabilizes for longer periods of time.

Here is an idea about breakfast. Notice how quickly you are famished after a simple carb (donut) breakfast vs eggs vs a protein shake.

Everything you do and eat all day long will affect the drugs, or chemicals and or hormones in your body. What you eat affects the insulin in your blood stream. Exercise will create endorphins and dopamine in your brain.

I ran 5 miles a day for around 30 years. The past 17 years or so I have tried to recreate my “runnerss highs” with amino acids and supplements. I have had some success with different combinations of glutamine, phenylalanine, tryptophan tyrosine either in pill or powdered form.

I have also tried omega 3’s (the particular part of the fish oils or walnut or olive oils or sardines especially the components of DHA that are literally brain food.

I religiously write down everything that I do and what passes my lips every single day. ( I have an excel sheet for every day and time of day, what I ate, the supplements I took and the activities I engaged in and how I felt.

OK I know I am nuts. I agree. PS nuts are good for you pure fat and protein, some more so than others. Walnuts great in omega 3s some say peanuts are the garbage nut, but its high in arginine.

I love love love studying human nature, what makes us tick, what makes us happy, what makes us a “successful drug addict” vs an unsuccessful one.

WE ARE ALL DRUG ADDICTS

Your only goal in life is for you just have to figure out how to become a successful one.
Do you crave the thrill of making more and more money even if you are already a billionaire?

I would say if you are doing it with integrity and haven’t hurt anyone and donate to charity and don’t ignore your family, you are a successful drug addict. Because you are addicted to the thrill of making ever more large comes of money and the rush of dopamine, when you succeed and the friction of striving.

Do you crave the feelings that you get from family? Successful. Do you crave the excitement you get from cheating? You are clearly a very unsuccessful person.

Do you run 5 miles a day because you know you will get a runner high (endorphins)? Again assuming you don’t have to get your hips and knees replaced, you too, are a successful drug addict.

Sitting on the couch eating marshmallows and potato chips, you are also a drug addict, obviously not a successful one.

Are you a woman that had 12 children? Enough kids to populate both teams of pretty much most sports and are they a loving group of people that brings you untold amounts of oxytocin and all kinds of other drugs that I probably need to look up. You have satisfied your needs and desires in a healthy way.

Are you constantly craving orgasms, but either get it from your monogamous partner or from masturbation, but not to the point where you are sitting home playing with yourself all day? Besides having a partner that cherishes the amount of time you are intimate, you too are a successful drug addict.

Do you crave the release of endorphins you get when you do volunteer work every single week or day? you are a successful drug addict.

Do you go to yoga every day? Do you go to the gym every day? Do you simply work out at home every day? You are a successful drug addict. Besides endorphins you are also releasing dopamine, adrenaline and endocannabinoids.

I can give so many examples I could fill a 200 page book, and if i was in it just for the money we could easily do that and it would easily make a best seller and we can expand on all of the drugs in our body and brain and how to produce them with amino acids and activities. But if I can just say it here and now I could possibly help countless people if this is shared today vs plotting and scheming to just make this about money and get it published years from now.

SO HERE IS THE POINT. As so many have said in so many different ways. As an animal on this planet we seek to avoid pain and get pleasure, you merely have recognize what you do every day. The activities that you engage in, and the things that you do, so you do more of the healthy ones and less of the unhealthy ones. Ie more yoga, more protein, less Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts. Two more that will never sponsor me, Gee I guess I am never going to make any money, But I might have the joy of helping people and connecting with people I have yet to meet.

Make it a game. Plus one for healthy supplements, especially ones that directly affect your brain, like fish oils and specific amino acids. So every 3 supplements are plus one ( assuming most people take less than 10) so the most you get is probably plus 3

Then. you get minus one for every 100 grams of sugar or 100 grams of pure starch, You get plus one for every hour of activity. You get plus one for every mile you walk or run. and so forth and so on. And we can pretty much determine if you are going to have a happy or a sad day.

OK HERE IS ANOTHE BIG BIG ONE!

Coming from me who is literally the most studied or neurotic person you have probably read I don’t care which adjective you want to use. I choose scholarly with more first hand experience of the most pleasurable drugs on the planet than any doctor or neuroscientist. Unless you know one that can literally compare cocaine to meditating.

I have the most personal lived experience,plus 5 decades of learning everything about supplements and self development and here is the BIG ONE
I recently discovered that I can replicate the best chemicals, dopamine and endorphins from simply “being” Every day is pure joy, that is why I write. I have meditated before, I did 2 years of transcendental meditation. I got to the point where I could literally see myself walking down the street from above. I will never forget it. I was on the corner of Lexington Avenue and 45th Street in New York, and I was looking down at the top of my head while I was still walking admiring what a nice body I was enjoying in this lifetime. It was so real it freaked me out to this day. I have also done the Sedona Method for around three decades, I also ran 5 miles a day for 3 decades. I have also taken every supplement on the planet

Somehow, today, just “being” and living in joy with no cares in the world without wanting anything from anyone or anything the happy chemicals are flowing. I know exactly what it feels like. It was like the biggest light bulb ever and the feeling was so familiar that I had to start searching the internet and I found that indeed you can release dopamine and endorphins from merely meditating or being.

So read up or search ways to release endorphins. You will see everything from massage, accupuncture, specific supplements, acts of kindness, dark chocolate, Ginko, sunlight, to morphine exercise and laughter.

Trust me if you can reach peace and joy in your life, it will happen naturally. I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am to have gotten to that place. I have no idea what is next. Sometimes I think the only thing that could possibly come after this is death, I can’t get any “higher”

But I can say its been a lifetime of searching from my first cigarette at 12 years old to heroin cocaine, to sobriety, health nut (not a drop of sugar or carbs rice, bread or potatoes for years, running 5 miles a day for 30 years, tons of supplements, Cryotherapy ( -273 F) accupuncture. I have tried everything

“Nothing” is the way. But you must find a way to be at peace. You must let go of all your worries and desires to control the world and the people around you, your loved ones. You have to let go of it all and you will be so at peace, that you will be at joy, and the feeling that arises from within can only be compared to the strongest drugs on the planet that mimic and release our feel good chemicals. Because literally that is what is happening, pure joy.

Stop with the Insane Humility: If You Don’t, Someone Else Will

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Have you ever held back from promoting your services, thinking it was more “humble” or “charitable” to stay quiet and let people come to their own conclusions? If so, let’s get real: if you truly have something valuable to offer, then it’s not just a disservice to yourself but to your potential clients to let “humility” keep you silent. Being present to the fact that your services could genuinely help people means understanding that holding back might just lead them straight to someone else who isn’t as skilled, honest, or fair.

For those of us who consider ourselves good, ethical professionals, we need to recognize that humility, when taken to an extreme, can actually harm the very people we hope to help. Think about it—how many verses in the Bible or other spiritual texts talk about humility? But in the name of humility, is it charitable to let someone get ripped off or harmed by a competitor offering subpar services? I’m not talking to the crooks here—they’re already out there, using every tactic imaginable to lure clients. I’m speaking to the good, honest providers.

Here’s a case in point from my own industry. Many don’t realize that repeated use of fillers over several years can cause scars and lumpy textures, as some filler remains in the face indefinitely. Even a skilled injector may struggle with the lasting effects of these fillers, leading to puffiness or unnatural looks over time. It’s our responsibility to advocate for more natural, longer-lasting options, like collagen restoration or muscle rejuvenation, especially if these options lead to a more natural, sustainable look. In my quest to be humble, I wasn’t vocal enough about encouraging clients to choose these alternatives—and I’ve seen clients suffer the consequences.

And this applies to other fields, too. A veterinarian friend of mine shared a story that underscores the same point. He charges $3,000 for surgeries that some “surgical centers” charge $10,000 for. Here’s the twist: he has over 30,000 surgeries under his belt, while the high-priced “center” might hand the job to someone with just a week’s worth of experience. Imagine the heartbreak of a pet owner paying top dollar, only to lose their beloved animal because they were led to believe they’d receive superior care at a higher price. All because my friend, out of humility, didn’t promote his skill and fair pricing enough.

So if you’re someone who provides an exceptional service at a fair price, don’t hide it. If you don’t believe it, raise your service level, lower your costs if you can, and shout it from the rooftops. You’re not just helping yourself by getting more clients—you’re helping people avoid overpaying or getting subpar services elsewhere. Humility has its place, but when it stands in the way of helping people make informed, beneficial choices, it’s time to let go of it and let your voice be heard.

It’s your obligation to stand out.

PS t can feel counterintuitive, especially if humility has been woven into you from a young age, reinforced by family, church, or cultural beliefs. But remember, by holding back, you may unintentionally let others fall into less capable hands or even into predatory ones.

It’s worth affirming every day: “I know I’m offering the best service, so I need to convey that clearly to my prospective clients. It’s the right thing to do.” This self-reminder helps reframe the idea of self-promotion from something “obnoxious” to a responsibility you hold out of genuine care. Sharing the true value of what you offer isn’t about bragging—it’s about ensuring those who need you find the best path forward. You’re doing them a favor.

Level Six/Sex Listening

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I am totally getting kicked out of the men’s club for revealing one of our best-kept secrets. Men listen for sex. Just like the guy on the corner with the sign that reads “Will Work for Food,” we’re out here with an invisible “Will Listen for Sex” sign hanging around our necks. Don’t believe me? If you’re a woman, feel free to ask your significant other. They’re either going to laugh and nod or scramble to deny it (and you know what that means!).


So let’s be real here. We’re not exactly enthralled by the latest celebrity drama or every twist and turn in Luke and Laura’s love life. I know the hate mail and texts are coming any second now from every man. I fear I will have to pay thousands of dollars in sms overage charges.

OK we had some fun, which is a vital energy. But this just might be the segue for you to understand the power of deep listening, and maybe how to apply it to other areas of your life. If deep listening is enough to open heaven’s gate, imagine what it could do for your business. Just sayin. PS if you want to learn in all seriousness about different levels of listening, energies, questioning finding people’s desires aka pain and being one who really resonates with everyone all the time, my friends at Unblinded have truly mastered every little step of it.

Deep Listening: Why It Matters and How It Transforms

Beyond the laughable male motivations, deep listening truly is a powerful skill. And I know, right now, you’re probably saying, “I’m already a pretty good listener.” But are you really? I’ll bet you’re part of daily conversations that feel pointless, or worse, that you accidentally derail by sharing the story of how your grandparents are from the same little town as the person sharing their soul.

That’s not deep listening—that’s listening with “me” energy, hoping to relate but actually missing a chance for real, lasting rapport. You’re bypassing true connection and moving into the comfort zone of familiarity without understanding. The opportunity to build deep connection and lasting relationships evaporates the second you break the flow.

Quantum Leaps in Listening, Quantum Leaps in Life

Here’s the beauty of this practice: deep listening isn’t about manipulation. It’s not about using someone’s words to angle your way into their lives. If you genuinely care about people, truly love connecting with others, then deep listening is the deepest gift you can give. It’s a gift that leaves people feeling seen, heard, and valued—and yes, that’s priceless in business and in life.

Imagine being the person who consistently resonates with people around you—your friends, your family, your colleagues, and clients. Imagine giving each of them your full attention without interruption, letting them feel felt, heard, and understood. That’s the magic behind deep listening, and it’s a skill that’s always worth refining. And, in all seriousness, if you want to master the subtle, nuanced art of deep listening, questioning, and resonating at that high level, my friends at Unblinded have mastered each step of it. They understand what it takes to uncover people’s desires and create a space for real rapport.

Give the Gift of Listening: A New Friend Awaits

Ultimately, listening isn’t about aligning goods or services; it’s about giving the ultimate gift: connection. When you make someone feel truly heard, you build trust, a genuine relationship, and yes, maybe even a new friend. From there, business interests can align or not—it’s secondary. What’s most important is that you’ve built a bridge, one that opens doors to possibilities you might never have known existed.

So, here’s my parting question for you: Did my playful energy catch your attention? Did it open your listening? If it did, then maybe—just maybe—it’s time to explore what deeper listening could do for you. Because when you go beyond listening with an agenda, you uncover a whole new level of engagement and connection, both personally and professionally. Give it a try, and who knows? You might just find yourself building bridges to places you never expected

Don’t Hold Yourself to an Impossible Standard: Embrace Progress Over Perfection

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In a world where we are constantly bombarded with messages urging us to do better and give more, it’s easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism. We’ve all heard the phrase, “Don’t be a perfectionist.” Yet, it seems that striving for excellence has been ingrained in us from an early age. The voices of well-meaning parents, teachers, and mentors echo in our minds, pushing us to reach higher and achieve more. While this drive can be beneficial, it can also become a significant barrier to our growth and creativity.

The Paradox of Perfection

The adage “Good is the enemy of great” suggests that settling for mediocrity can prevent us from achieving our full potential. However, there’s a lesser-known but equally important counterpart: “Great is also the enemy of good.” This means that in our pursuit of greatness, we may delay, overanalyze, and ultimately, never take action. Perfectionism can paralyze us, making us hesitant to share our ideas, launch our projects, or even express our true selves.

The Burden of a Thousand Voices

From a young age, we are conditioned to seek approval and validation. The voices of parents, teachers, and society at large can create an internal narrative that we must constantly improve and outdo ourselves. This can lead to a perpetual state of dissatisfaction, where nothing we do ever feels good enough. The pressure to meet an impossible standard can stifle our creativity and prevent us from taking risks.

When Is It Okay to “Launch”?

1. When You Have a Solid Foundation:

  • Preparation Is Key: Ensure that you have done your due diligence. Research your topic, refine your skills, and lay a solid foundation. This doesn’t mean everything has to be perfect, but you should feel confident in the basics.

2. When You Can Offer Value:

  • Focus on Impact: If what you are sharing can help others, provide value, or inspire someone, it’s worth putting out there. Your work doesn’t have to be flawless to make a positive impact.

3. When You’re Ready to Learn and Improve:

  • Embrace Feedback: Understand that launching is just the beginning. Be open to feedback and willing to make adjustments. Growth comes from learning and iterating.

Finding Your Voice

Your voice is unique, and it deserves to be heard. Waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect version of yourself to emerge will only keep you silent. Here are some steps to help you find and share your voice:

1. Accept Imperfection: Embrace the fact that imperfection is a part of the human experience. Authenticity is far more compelling than flawlessness.

2. Start Small: Begin by sharing your thoughts and ideas in smaller, more comfortable settings. This could be through a blog, social media, or within a supportive community.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, no matter how small. Celebrate your wins and learn from your mistakes without harsh self-criticism.

Teach and Share with Confidence

1. Understand Your Value: Recognize that you have unique experiences and knowledge that others can benefit from. You don’t need to know everything to teach; you just need to be a few steps ahead of those you are guiding.

2. Engage with Your Audience: Create a dialogue with your audience. Their questions, comments, and feedback can provide valuable insights and help you grow as a teacher and creator.

3. Continuous Improvement: Remember that teaching and sharing are dynamic processes. Your methods and content will evolve over time, and that’s okay. Allow yourself the flexibility to grow and adapt.

Conclusion

In the journey of personal and professional growth, holding yourself to an impossible standard can be more of a hindrance than a help. Embrace the idea that “good enough” is often good enough to start. By allowing yourself to launch, teach, and share without the burden of perfectionism, you open the door to creativity, learning, and authentic connection. So, take that first step, share your voice, and let your unique light shine.

The Quiet Virtue: Why the Best Services Often Go Unnoticed

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Have you ever noticed that the loudest voices aren’t always the most trustworthy? It’s something that seems to happen all around us. The people or businesses shouting the loudest about what they have to offer may not actually have the best offerings. Meanwhile, those who have true value, the ones who focus on providing the highest quality, often remain quiet, drowned out by a sea of noise.

This isn’t just an observation about individuals—it spills over into services and businesses too. We all know how difficult it can be to find the best doctor, service, or even restaurant. Often, the places with the loudest advertising or self-promotion are the ones with the least to offer. They know that in a world filled with distractions, volume sometimes overshadows quality.

The Quiet Experts

Many of the most talented professionals in any field are, by nature or by culture, humble. They let their work speak for itself. There’s even a religious or cultural undertone to this—many spiritual teachings emphasize humility as a virtue. For example, Christianity speaks of “the meek inheriting the earth,” and in many cultures, humility is seen as a sign of wisdom and strength.

This emphasis on humility can sometimes mean that the best services are overlooked. Many professionals, especially in fields like healthcare or aesthetics, are more focused on perfecting their craft than shouting about it from the rooftops. Their work speaks for itself, but in today’s noisy world, sometimes that isn’t enough to get noticed. They believe in quietly doing what’s right and letting the results shine, rather than engaging in aggressive self-promotion.

The Challenge of Visibility

This creates a real challenge—not only for those professionals but also for the people who are searching for the highest quality. How can you know where to find the best doctor or the most effective service when they aren’t actively competing for your attention? Too often, we are left sifting through flashy ads or influencer promotions, only to find that the loudest voices don’t always have the best offerings.

As consumers, we’re often drawn to the loudest message, but volume is not always a guarantee of value. In fact, the best in the business might be the ones you haven’t even heard of yet because they’re too busy doing exceptional work to promote it.

Shifting the Dynamic

The truth is, finding the right service, doctor, or expert often requires us to look beyond the noise. It’s about asking deeper questions, seeking referrals from trusted sources, and doing the research rather than following the flashiest marketing. For professionals, the challenge is learning how to strike a balance between quiet humility and the necessity of being seen.

Imagine how different things could be if we valued quiet excellence over loud mediocrity. If the true experts found ways to make themselves just a little more visible—without compromising their values—perhaps the right people could find them. And for those of us searching for the best, it’s a matter of digging deeper, asking the right questions, and not being fooled by volume.

It’s time to value substance over style and start seeking out the quiet, excellent voices that may have the most to offer.

The Cage, the Guard, and the Key in Your Pocket

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We all live in cages that we’ve built for ourselves—cages of old beliefs, fears, or shame that hold us back from who we truly are or could become. These cages may not always be obvious, but they exist within the stories we tell ourselves: “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do that,” or “I don’t deserve better.” We may even come to accept these limitations as a part of our identity. But here’s the thing: we are both the prisoner and the guard.

A friend of mine, Fernando Valencia, shared a profound metaphor that resonated with me deeply. We are the guards of our own cages, holding the keys in our pockets. Think about that for a second. We have the power to unlock these cages at any time, but so often, we continue to stand guard over them, protecting the very limitations that trap us. Why? Because stepping out of that cage means confronting what’s beyond—sometimes it’s unknown, other times it’s old wounds, guilt, or shame we haven’t faced.

I’ve carried my own shame around certain moments in my life, and this metaphor hit me hard. It made me realize that I’ve been standing at the cage door, key in hand, but too focused on guarding the past to set myself free. And the truth is, we can’t move forward until we stop holding ourselves hostage to those old feelings or beliefs.

What’s inside your cage? Maybe it’s a belief from childhood, something someone told you that stuck, or an experience you feel you can’t move beyond. Maybe it’s fear—fear of failure, fear of being seen, or fear of not being enough. Whatever it is, it’s likely you’ve been standing guard, believing it’s protecting you. But the irony is that the cage limits you, and the protection is just an illusion.

The key has been in your pocket all along.

This idea isn’t new. Philosophers like Jean-Paul Sartre have touched on it with the concept of “bad faith,” where we limit ourselves by deceiving ourselves into thinking we don’t have the freedom to choose. Spiritual teachings like Buddhism talk about attachments that create cycles of suffering, a form of self-made prison. Even more recently, thinkers like Orlando DeFranco have explored the concept of self-imposed limitations. But here’s the distinction: No one has gone as far as to say that we not only hold the key, but we are also the guard standing at the door. That’s the twist, and it’s what I want to emphasize here.

This distinction—that we guard our own cages while holding the key in our pocket—strikes at the heart of what keeps so many of us stuck. We’re not waiting for someone else to free us. The power has been in our hands the whole time.

So how do we start unlocking these cages? It begins with awareness—recognizing when we are both the prisoner and the guard. Once you see that, you can decide to reach for the key. Sometimes that means facing what’s uncomfortable or confronting old feelings of shame, guilt, or fear. But that’s where freedom lies—on the other side of acknowledging that you hold the power to change.

Here’s what I’m reminding myself, and maybe it will resonate with you too: The cage isn’t real, and I can walk out anytime. The key is in my pocket.

So, what’s holding you back?

Truth vs Lies

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The Sad Truth: Lies Often Outshine the Truth

There’s an old Armenian saying, “Coc tzoon e doc chee menar,” meaning “you can’t hide the shit under the snow.” I’ve seen this play out in real life—like watching men in the advertising industry take millions in kickbacks, decades later some did end up in jail. But many others get away with it. So, what do we do about this?

First, let’s get real. Take politics as an example. Both sides can’t be right, yet they say things that are completely opposite. One side claims Trump is authoritarian and will imprison his rivals, while the other says the Democrats are doing just that without cause. Hopefully, I didn’t trigger you too much with that example. The point is to talk about influence, lies, and truth.

Understanding Influence: How Repetition Shapes Beliefs

If your friends believe the opposite of what you do, they aren’t crazy. They may have spent 30 years hearing a different version of events every night on the news. Imagine that—30 years times 365 days. Even if they just watched the news for one minute a day, they’ve heard 10,000 different “facts” than you have.

If you’ve never surfed to an opposing viewpoint, shame on you. What if they watched or listened for 30 minutes or an hour a day? Now, multiply that by 60. It’s entirely possible they’ve been exposed to 100,000 differing facts from you.

The Power of Repetition: Lies vs. Truth

In my industry, I see a big chain of aesthetic providers claiming they are less expensive and more transparent. Yet, after all their “sales” and “bonuses,” their final price is higher than ours. And we are a safe private doctor’s office with decades more experience offering lower, fair transparent pricing without phony untrue sales. It pisses me off that they blatantly lie about their pricing.

So, why are they successful? Because they say it relentlessly. It’s the old adage: Say a lie often enough, and it becomes accepted as truth.

But what about the truth? How often do we need to say it? If someone has already made up their mind after hearing something 10,000 times, or in politics, 100,000 times, or even a million times—can the same number of truthful messages counter it? what about twice as many? I think we all know the answer to that. Once someone is predisposed to an idea, especially if they heard it first, it’s nearly impossible to convince them otherwise.

The First to Market Advantage

This is why the first to market often prevails forever. Just read The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing by Trout and Reis. A few quick examples: First college? Harvard. First cola? Coke. Second is often forgotten or seen as worthless. PS the second college was William and Mary.

The Importance of Critical Thinking

So, what’s the takeaway? Be aware that what you think are truths might not necessarily be true. It might just be something that was repeated so often that you believed it must be true. Use your critical thinking. If you lived 500 years ago, would you have been one of the people who put Galileo on trial for saying the Earth is round?

Common sense is your ally. If something doesn’t pass the smell test, it might be a lie. Trust your gut—the one that has guided you away from bad decisions in the past and encouraged you to pursue your dreams.

A Final Thought: The Snow Will Melt

Don’t waste your energy arguing with people, or even worse yet friends or family, who have an unshakeable belief in something they have heard 100,000 times. You can’t hide the shit under the snow. I just hope the snow melts soon enough for us to see the truth before it’s too late. PS if you remain friends we can all have a good laugh about it in the next few years or decades, assuming we havent all been blown up or fried by global warming.

Final thought. Politics was probably a poor example on my part because it goes right to the core of our deepest wants, according to the Sedona Method. 60% of us or 30% on each side literally believe that the other guy is too weak or too strong and will get you killed.

Self Confidence: Outdated Beliefs: vs taking Responsibility for Who You Are Today

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We all carry messages from our past that continue to influence us today—whether we realize it or not. These messages often come from our parents, teachers, or other significant figures in our early lives. Even church which teaches humility. Sometimes, these beliefs are so ingrained that we don’t even question them, even when they seem absurd in hindsight. But holding onto these outdated beliefs can be a form of self-sabotage. To articulate, “I am this way because of my parents” or “what someone said in the past” is crazy talk.

How many times have you heard a stupid story told by a friend where they were so humiliated or embarrassed at school? Let me help you out a little, that too is crazy talk. You cant go back to that now dead teacher and ask her not to make fun of you or whatever happened and change it.

There is evidence that every time we recall a memory it changes. So it is more likely that you can modify or change your memory because you literally do it anyway, every time you recall a memory.

For example, I vividly remember how my parents never gave compliments. One day, my mother came home from tennis, complaining about her partner who constantly praised her children. She told me it was obnoxious, and I questioned, “What’s wrong with that?” Those children will grow up believing in themselves, landing the best jobs, finding great partners, and living wonderful lives. But for my parents, compliments were taboo, sacrilegious and absolutely non existent.

In business, I relinquished my salary and went into sales to be paid commission only because I didnt want to be the idiot son since it was my father’s business. I acquired three to five million in sales, for many years. For perspective commissions at that time went as high as 25%. I also took over as CEO. I hired the top technical expert from California. We went on to help write the standards for PDF and transmitted the first PDF to Time magazine. I hosted educational seminars at the Harvard Club for the advertising agencies, bringing in companies like DuPont, Adobe, and Time Magazine to educate. Despite these accomplishments, my father never gave me a single compliment. The closest I got was hearing from my CFO that my father mentioned once that he thought I was doing a good job.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “If only I had received more praise, I’d have more confidence today,” or actually saying, “This is why I am the way I am.” But that’s crazy talk. At some point, we have to take responsibility for who we are now. We can’t change the past—unless you’re willing to exhume some bodies—but we can change who we are today, how we let it affect us, or totally discard those notions.

There are a few ways to move beyond these old messages:

Take Responsibility: First and foremost, take responsibility for who you are today. No matter what happened in the past, you have the power to shape your future. And you choose your identity every single day when you wake up.

Play with Hypnosis or Subconscious Techniques: If you’re interested, you can use techniques like hypnosis to reprogram your subconscious mind. There are some great methods for imagining or rewriting your past.

Imagine a Different Past: You can also use a technique inspired by Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” Just as Scrooge revisits Christmas past, present, and future, you can imagine a different past for yourself—one where you received the praise and recognition you deserved. Simply pretend, imagine a different childhood. Ask yourself, what if they said I was the smartest, most capable, attractive person that everyone wants to work with and or be with, how would you feel?

Ultimately, we need to get over these outdated beliefs and take control of our lives. The past may have shaped us, but it doesn’t have to define us.

PS Dont forget the most famous, successful iconic people of all times do not have any initials after their name. In case you forgot, a few notable drop outs, Steve Jobs, Michael Dell, Bill Gates, So if you even have a college degree you have more status recognition or diplomas then quite a few and if you even graduated High School you have one more degree than Richard Branson and Quentin Tarantino.

No one sees you or your zit. Stop being self conscious

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| johnas9000

Everyone is self conscious. Its a universal condition. I was lucky my mother told me when I was very young that all you have to do is listen to people and make them feel comfortable. I grew up poor, my father was always trying to build a business and pretty much never took salary or a few hundred dollars a week.

Thank god there was no designer brands when I was in High School. That phenomena started in the seventies by Ralph Lauren, so I didnt have that pressure. I do remember my grey gym uniform got washed with my sisters red sweatshirt, so I had a pink gym uniform for 3 years. No one was spending $10 for a new tshirt, shorts and sweats, it was out of the question. My mother didnt have any designer clothes, but as my father’s business grew successful, they landed up going to the nicest hotels in the world, for business conferences. My mother with whatever dress she made or inexpensive off the rack clothes she had was present to the fact that everyone is so busy being self conscious, all you have to do is make them feel comfortable and they will love you for it.

So move over Anthony Robbins, my mom was a brilliant guru in influence mastery. To this day I do my best to not look too shitty before I leave the house, for about 5 minutes. But when its go time, I remind myself, my only job is to look at other people and notice them, not be worried about if I have a nose hair or something out of place, because they are so busy worrying about something I dont see, that they dont see my perceived imperfection. It was truly inspirational advice and I wanted to share that with you. Assuming you dont walk out of the toilet with toilet paper hanging from your pants or dress, no one will notice your perceived imperfection. I am reminded about how every teenager was so self conscious if they had one pimple.

Again I am also so happy that I pretty much got lucky in that area, but you know what I love even more? If you are the CEO of a trillion dollar company the dress code is black t shirt, Whoo hoo! Nothing could make me happier. Remember the old advice if you are giving a speech picture the audience naked? Well I say picture them all sitting on a toilet trying to squeeze one out, because every single one of us and them have been there.