In my journey of understanding rapport, I’ve often seen myself as a golden retriever. I get so happy and excited to see a friend that I run to them, jump on them, and smother them with enthusiasm before even checking in to see how they’re doing. This approach, while full of love and energy, can sometimes be overwhelming and not quite what the other person needs in the moment.

A memorable instance of this happened with my dear friend Dr. Oz Garcia. I eagerly approached him with my usual exuberance, only to realize he was in the middle of a session with a client. Whoops! It was a clear reminder that my energy needed to be more attuned to the situation.

This idea was beautifully expanded upon in a conversation with Fernando Valencia. He said, “Great, let’s go with your golden retriever analogy. Imagine you’re with a sad person. Sure, the overactive dog might get a half-baked smile, but what if the dog gently placed its head on that person’s lap and waited? As the person feels a little better, perhaps they might be ready to come out and play.”

This simple yet profound image stayed with me. It highlighted the power of matching energy and being present at the other person’s pace.

In a serendipitous twist, Judy Katz, a renowned writer, shared with me a manuscript of her upcoming book, Galaxy: Lessons Learned from a Canine Hero. This touching story is about a severely abused bulldog who became an extraordinary therapy dog. One of his greatest healing moments involved a deeply wounded veteran who isolated himself in a dark room. The bulldog, sensing the veteran’s pain, didn’t nudge or seek attention. Instead, he just placed his head on the veteran’s lap, patiently waiting. Over time, this gentle presence led to the veteran inviting the dog in, and eventually, it helped him heal.

This story encapsulates the essence of meeting someone at their emotional level. Sometimes, it’s about being there quietly, offering comfort through your presence, and waiting until they’re ready to engage.

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Final Thoughts

The lessons from these experiences and stories show that caring alone isn’t enough. Listening alone isn’t enough. Even love, in its most exuberant form, isn’t always enough. True rapport and connection come from making the other person feel seen, felt, heard, and understood. These are four distinct aspects, each deserving deep exploration and practice.

If you’re eager to delve deeper into these nuances and learn how to build meaningful connections, I highly recommend exploring the teachings from Unblinded and keeping an eye out for Judy Katz’s upcoming book, Galaxy: Lessons Learned from a Canine Hero. When it’s released, grab a copy – and if it doesn’t move you to tears, I’ll personally refund your money.

Remember, building real rapport often means slowing down, matching their energy, and being a comforting presence. It’s a practice that, when mastered, creates magical and transformative connections.

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