We all live in cages that we’ve built for ourselves—cages of old beliefs, fears, or shame that hold us back from who we truly are or could become. These cages may not always be obvious, but they exist within the stories we tell ourselves: “I’m not good enough,” “I can’t do that,” or “I don’t deserve better.” We may even come to accept these limitations as a part of our identity. But here’s the thing: we are both the prisoner and the guard.

A friend of mine, Fernando Valencia, shared a profound metaphor that resonated with me deeply. We are the guards of our own cages, holding the keys in our pockets. Think about that for a second. We have the power to unlock these cages at any time, but so often, we continue to stand guard over them, protecting the very limitations that trap us. Why? Because stepping out of that cage means confronting what’s beyond—sometimes it’s unknown, other times it’s old wounds, guilt, or shame we haven’t faced.

I’ve carried my own shame around certain moments in my life, and this metaphor hit me hard. It made me realize that I’ve been standing at the cage door, key in hand, but too focused on guarding the past to set myself free. And the truth is, we can’t move forward until we stop holding ourselves hostage to those old feelings or beliefs.

What’s inside your cage? Maybe it’s a belief from childhood, something someone told you that stuck, or an experience you feel you can’t move beyond. Maybe it’s fear—fear of failure, fear of being seen, or fear of not being enough. Whatever it is, it’s likely you’ve been standing guard, believing it’s protecting you. But the irony is that the cage limits you, and the protection is just an illusion.

The key has been in your pocket all along.

This idea isn’t new. Philosophers like Jean-Paul Sartre have touched on it with the concept of “bad faith,” where we limit ourselves by deceiving ourselves into thinking we don’t have the freedom to choose. Spiritual teachings like Buddhism talk about attachments that create cycles of suffering, a form of self-made prison. Even more recently, thinkers like Orlando DeFranco have explored the concept of self-imposed limitations. But here’s the distinction: No one has gone as far as to say that we not only hold the key, but we are also the guard standing at the door. That’s the twist, and it’s what I want to emphasize here.

This distinction—that we guard our own cages while holding the key in our pocket—strikes at the heart of what keeps so many of us stuck. We’re not waiting for someone else to free us. The power has been in our hands the whole time.

So how do we start unlocking these cages? It begins with awareness—recognizing when we are both the prisoner and the guard. Once you see that, you can decide to reach for the key. Sometimes that means facing what’s uncomfortable or confronting old feelings of shame, guilt, or fear. But that’s where freedom lies—on the other side of acknowledging that you hold the power to change.

Here’s what I’m reminding myself, and maybe it will resonate with you too: The cage isn’t real, and I can walk out anytime. The key is in my pocket.

So, what’s holding you back?