We all carry messages from our past that continue to influence us today—whether we realize it or not. These messages often come from our parents, teachers, or other significant figures in our early lives. Even church which teaches humility. Sometimes, these beliefs are so ingrained that we don’t even question them, even when they seem absurd in hindsight. But holding onto these outdated beliefs can be a form of self-sabotage. To articulate, “I am this way because of my parents” or “what someone said in the past” is crazy talk.

How many times have you heard a stupid story told by a friend where they were so humiliated or embarrassed at school? Let me help you out a little, that too is crazy talk. You cant go back to that now dead teacher and ask her not to make fun of you or whatever happened and change it.

There is evidence that every time we recall a memory it changes. So it is more likely that you can modify or change your memory because you literally do it anyway, every time you recall a memory.

For example, I vividly remember how my parents never gave compliments. One day, my mother came home from tennis, complaining about her partner who constantly praised her children. She told me it was obnoxious, and I questioned, “What’s wrong with that?” Those children will grow up believing in themselves, landing the best jobs, finding great partners, and living wonderful lives. But for my parents, compliments were taboo, sacrilegious and absolutely non existent.

In business, I relinquished my salary and went into sales to be paid commission only because I didnt want to be the idiot son since it was my father’s business. I acquired three to five million in sales, for many years. For perspective commissions at that time went as high as 25%. I also took over as CEO. I hired the top technical expert from California. We went on to help write the standards for PDF and transmitted the first PDF to Time magazine. I hosted educational seminars at the Harvard Club for the advertising agencies, bringing in companies like DuPont, Adobe, and Time Magazine to educate. Despite these accomplishments, my father never gave me a single compliment. The closest I got was hearing from my CFO that my father mentioned once that he thought I was doing a good job.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “If only I had received more praise, I’d have more confidence today,” or actually saying, “This is why I am the way I am.” But that’s crazy talk. At some point, we have to take responsibility for who we are now. We can’t change the past—unless you’re willing to exhume some bodies—but we can change who we are today, how we let it affect us, or totally discard those notions.

There are a few ways to move beyond these old messages:

Take Responsibility: First and foremost, take responsibility for who you are today. No matter what happened in the past, you have the power to shape your future. And you choose your identity every single day when you wake up.

Play with Hypnosis or Subconscious Techniques: If you’re interested, you can use techniques like hypnosis to reprogram your subconscious mind. There are some great methods for imagining or rewriting your past.

Imagine a Different Past: You can also use a technique inspired by Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” Just as Scrooge revisits Christmas past, present, and future, you can imagine a different past for yourself—one where you received the praise and recognition you deserved. Simply pretend, imagine a different childhood. Ask yourself, what if they said I was the smartest, most capable, attractive person that everyone wants to work with and or be with, how would you feel?

Ultimately, we need to get over these outdated beliefs and take control of our lives. The past may have shaped us, but it doesn’t have to define us.

PS Dont forget the most famous, successful iconic people of all times do not have any initials after their name. In case you forgot, a few notable drop outs, Steve Jobs, Michael Dell, Bill Gates, So if you even have a college degree you have more status recognition or diplomas then quite a few and if you even graduated High School you have one more degree than Richard Branson and Quentin Tarantino.