You’ve likely heard about the techniques of matching and mirroring, right? To establish rapport, one must initially match someone’s energy level before guiding them to a different emotional state. Imagine encountering someone whose energy is somewhat low; if you approach with overwhelming enthusiasm, you might entertain them, but you won’t necessarily uplift their spirits.

Instead, what if you began by matching their subdued energy, gained their trust, and then, with permission, engaged them in an activity to elevate their mood? This approach isn’t just about entertainment—it’s about providing a truly enriching experience.

This post is dedicated to Michael Smikun and Fernando Valencia. I recently learned from Michael during a captivating hour where he managed to energize a room full of disinterested doctors by encouraging them to tickle each other, followed by a thorough discussion on how to uplift energy and facilitate energy transference.

Moments later, I shared these insights with Fernando. I have often described myself as a golden retriever. I get excited when I see my friends and often “jump on them and lick them,” and that actually does cheer them up 90% of the time. He reminded me of the intuitive approach of golden retrievers: sometimes, when you’re feeling down, these dogs don’t just overwhelm you with energy. Instead, they might gently lay their head on your lap, a simple act that can lift your spirits enough to invite you to go out and play with them elevating you both.

As I write this, it strikes me how much we can learn from the empathetic nature of dogs. Perhaps my next blog should explore everything we can learn from animals. But for now, heartfelt thanks to Michael and Fernando for their insights.

I’ve heard similar principles a thousand times before, even 40 years ago at an Anthony Robbins seminar, and I’ve read about it in various forms from many different sources. However, either it takes time, or Michael and Fernando explained the micro-distinctions with such precision and practical examples that it’s transforming. How I engage with the people I love is the most vital piece of our engagement.

This is not about selling shit. It’s about being present to let each of my family and friends know how deeply I care about them. Interestingly, “being present” might actually be more beneficial than blurting out the latest life-saving tip I’ve learned. It’s a subtle yet powerful shift from giving advice to truly connecting, and if I’m thoughtful enough, I might even enter at their “speed limit” — perhaps there’s another blog in that concept alone — and who knows? Maybe then, I could truly make a life-saving difference.

As I re read this it might make an interesting discussion or debate whether “golden retriever” energy works all of the time, or 90% of the time or it just feels that way. Also is it a good pattern interrupt or is it better to ask permission? I’ll let you know. Or you can let me know. Practice caring more about the people you love.

*Michael Smikun and Fernando Valencia are part of the Unblinded team.

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