As my mind continues to get quieter. My thoughts are really coming together in novel ways. I guess that is what is truly “thinking” vs talking to yourself and having the same thoughts as yesterday. I am sure you have heard it said that you have 80,000 thoughts a day. But the problem is 99% of them are the same ones you had yesterday.

My problem is that every day, I am thinking a whole host of new thoughts and I find them compelling. Yesterday I was wondering if we are hard wired to open boxes? Ill write about that. But back to today. I had a micro thought. You know the one that passes through your head when you see some boxes from Amazon for you partner and your brain wants to calculate $50 a day and multiply it out in a stock account or try to blame your partner for something that YOU ARE NOT DOING.

Hmm isnt that interesting? What if every single one of your complaints are literally you, not taking responsibility? Lets do a test. So I live in NY and its rainy and 50 degrees, my choice. I dont get to complain. Hmm what about the shitty economy in NY or the taxes? Again my choice. And there are plenty of businesses thriving. What about my body, my health? I cant think of any legitimate complaint that is not literally my choice. I know I have heard this said in a thousand different ways, over the years, but not quite this way.

And isnt your complaining taking up the brain space that could be used to get healthy, get rich, or have more meaningful relationships? The list is endless. Maybe I need to Google it. Do we all need a scape goat? Do we all need something to complain about?

What would happen if you immediately segued to what am I avoiding? Is it possible that by merely complaining about Politics or world events you are avoiding exercising, your work, or your obligations? Ok I googled “do we complain to avoid?” I saw a lot of entries about mood and depression, but literally no one is saying exactly this.

Buddha says be happy, the thorny rose bush also has flowers. Cleveland Clinics said “look at the big picture blah blah blah.” Even the Bible merely says do not grumble against one another and other such things. I am proposing to look at it in a different way, and especially look at the little annoyances as a way of avoiding something else that may or may not be related.

Every time you are tempted to complain even lightly to yourself, ask yourself, what are you abdicating? What are you avoiding? It is so much easier to bitch and moan. PS there is no male equivalent to “bitching”. Well we might have yet another subject to research. How many other female only adjectives do we have to describe bad behavior?

Sorry but do you get the point of what I am saying? Its quite a revelation. Its like when I read or heard decades ago, if you are angry, you are angry at yourself. That is totally true. You get a call because you forgot to pay something on time and you are angry. Duh, who are you really angry at?

This might be the corollary to that. If you are even having a microsecond of wanting to complain. Simply ask yourself what are you avoiding? What could have been done about what you are complaining about? Were there any decisions you made that brought you to the place where you have the urge to complain about your situation? What decisions can you make going forward?

And if you are interested in how to stop complaining, google it. I think that every single entry I found on that, was literally taking you away from your responsibility and proposing some method to stop complaining, vs looking for the root cause, or what you are avoiding. I am not going to waste my time on that endeavor. I want to get to your very core and help you look at what you are avoiding.

Imagine being in charge of everything in your life!!! Wow! Contemplate how profound that is. It could be the most freeing idea I have ever conjured. I know I say that all the time, ie “This might be the most important thing you ever hear.”

Its amazing what happens when your brain and your inner mind stops talking. But I know 95% of you cant hear a word I am saying, because you are too busy talking to yourself about what I am saying. What a curse that is.

I am all too familiar with the incessant chatter in our heads. I even ground down my teeth with anxiety until I recently got a night guard. And I often had trouble listening to others for a prolonged period of time. Now I LOVE IT! Its like going to a movie combined with the experience of love.

Because now you can enjoy the movie of your friend or relative. Obviously the person is interesting or important to you, or you wouldnt be talking to them or listening to them. (PS that often happens with new people too)

So you have this new person or person who has been in your life a long time, and you are giving them the love of presence, and enjoying learning more about them. But only if you can quiet your mind.

Sorry I segued again, But the point of this post is to examine what it is you are avoiding by complaining. I truly believe every single time, you are avoiding something. It might even be that its time to leave the high tax state of NJ or NY, or at least have a talk with your accountant vs complaining.

And or its time to talk to your partner, and or its time you took action to make more money. Take the night course, post a youtube, put out the product you have talked about for years, start your side business. The list of what you are avoiding by even general complaining is endless.

Wishing you a quiet mind, Ciao for now

PS I looked for an image for “complaining vs taking responsibility”. There ARE a lot of people saying that, So ok so that is not an original idea. The idea of the big complaints as it relates to the big issues. BUT I am talking about the micro thoughts and perhaps I said it differently enough for someone to “get it” And that is worth it. If one person hears it differently and finally gets it, thats all that matters.

I am proposing the micro thoughts and complaints that whoosh past your consciousness in a micro second are avoidance mechanisms. I am not talking about taking responsibility for the big things. That is pretty much factual that we made choices.

Its actually in my headline I am proposing that the thing you are complaining about might not even be related to the thing you need to take responsibility for. Isnt it easier to complain about the weather than go to the gym? Two unrelated things. Isnt it easier to complain about politics then balance your checkbook? Does anyone have a checkbook anymore? Sorry about that analogy, millennials. Isnt it easier to complain about anything rather than clean your house or make your bed. The list is endless.