In fact in many cases its the exact opposite of what you think.

I am not even kidding. You don’t “get” love, you “give” love. Ask any mother what was the best time of her life? Many will recall, with far away look in their eyes, how happy they were when you were little. Or maybe it’s just my mother because I was such a hell raiser when I grew up.

What was your mother doing when you were a baby? Were you giving her love or was she giving you love?

What about the most fun you had in your dating life? Was it the excitement of getting to know someone new? Or was it the day to day life when you “got” that person and discovered all of their annoying habits? Wasnt that the relationship that you told all your friends was going to be the be all and end all and source of your happiness?

I was listening to a podcast yesterday. The doctor explained that dopamine, your happy chemical, was in full force when you were striving, working hard and building your business. But when you sold it and made your millions you actually experienced a postpartum like depression.

Very few are able to maintain that “high”. Those that do are usually embarking on another project and once again striving. PS those are also the ultra successful people who have made multiple fortunes.

So you mean when I reach my goal, I will not be happy? EXACTLY! Its the striving not the arriving that releases the happy chemicals ands creates happiness.

Look at your own life. Did the world change when you got your Porsche? Or whatever your goal was?

Again I am very lucky because I did reach many goals that I had literally written down and visualized. Many years ago I was looking out over Manhattan from the 33rd floor of my apartment with floor to 9 1/2 ft ceiling windows.

It was my dream and goal I even had it written in my diary only 8 years earlier. Two apartments per floor views from every room and even the 3 marble bathrooms. Actually as I said in my post on happiness. I was never more miserable in my life.

I literally had the money to hop on a private plane and go anywhere in the world merely spending no more than a few days of earnings.

The top of the line Porsche and most expensive jaguar which cost less than a months salary were parked next door in a garage that charged more than most people’s rent. Plus I paid extra so no one could park next to me. So I am not just talking crunchy granola from a place of never having. I have been there and done that. I am speaking from experience.

I can say from experience and with certainty there is nothing more miserable then when you reach your goals and find thats not it. It was palpable and one of the most miserable moments in my life.

At least on your way you can fool yourself into believing that when you reach your goals you will be happy.

What about family? Sadly I am lacking in children. But my friends who have kids are extremely gratified by their children, and I know its the greatest thing in the world, but they still complain about their own individual happiness and how they are going to “get it” and who is going to give it to them. What about empty nest?

What about education? Are you happy when you are learning new things? Or are you happy when you “get” your education, your degree?

Sounds like I am saying that all of the happiness is wrapped up in struggling, doing, achieving, striving. Not arriving, finishing, accomplishing.

YES Herein lies the rub. There is a tiny moment of satisfaction when you accomplish something. But thats all folks.

Its kind of Looney Tunes to think of everything that way. But how much of it is true?

What about business? Should we be loving? Sounds really counterintuitive, but is it?
So what would being loving in business look like? Ironically I am in a situation now that is really pushing me to my limits. I know that a company I hired made mistakes that literally cost me close to $20,00 in just the past 10 days.

Of course I am angry. If I write an email to the President and tell hin he owes me $20,000, his team fuked up, will that get the best result? What about if I explain to hm what happened and ask for his help?

You know option A he will be forced to be defend his team and as a fellow human being, probably “match and mirror my anger”

We also know that in any negotiation the person that speaks first loses. Perhaps if I “lovingly” throw the ball in his court he might offer me an accommodation or a fix worth more than $20,000.

PS option A is still available. Sorry for the segue, but is it? How far away and opposite is love to business?

Lets see if we were operating our business lovingly, we would show that level of care and concern for all of our clients and employees. What kind of results would that get?

I know from experience that employees that feel valued and appreciated often do things on a daily basis that I can easily put a number on because I have seen it. Not that it was my intention.

In fact I have numerous examples where employees have saved me easily $5000 or $10,000 in one single action. And dont think that doesnt happen everywhere with every person in your organization.

When the person who is just answering the phone goes out of their way to insure that person gets perfect service. Calls them back if they get disconnected and does whatever it takes to make that client or potential client ecstatic, do you think they become a lifetime client? Do you think they might share their experience with someone else?

I could write a whole book of examples. Let me just throw two at you. I was kindly sharing lunch with a mere “child” a kid still in school doing a free internship at an advertising agency. I was taking a loving interest in him. Why not? The next day a different advertising agency called me up out of nowhere and gave me a $100,000 job. Apparently he was interning at more than one agency.

I had another 17 yr old kid in high school that I “took care of” showed him things and taught him. He called me a few years later at the ripe old age of 21. He was the youngest person in history to open his own advertising agency with a $5 million dollar account and was on the cover of AdWeek. Guess who was his first call?

I had no idea, nor intention other than to be nice and loving. I could fill a book with these examples. Perhaps my challenge now is that I have so many challenges I am too busy to think about and lead with love.

Anger vs love. I think that might be a pretty big opposite. I have noticed when I fight or I am angry I have literally never “won” I only get misery and real unhappiness. When I am merely loving, magic happens in all of my relationships.

What about NLP vs kindness and love? What is the relationship between the two? Our lives are nothing but a series of relationships and interactions, with our selves and others. I never thought about it until my friend pointed it out to me. NLP stands for neurolingustic programming. So you are literally trying to program the person you are speaking to.

So granted there might be some shortcuts in there that are helpful if you are trying to help the other person. But perhaps the only real magic is when your “presence” and “listening” for those verbal cues stumbles upon or gives off the feeling of love because you are being so present in your listening.

This could be for the “right” reason or the wrong reason. You are looking for clues and words to use to persuade someone. I have had real questions about the integrity of many of these things my whole life.

I think there are a lot of people with integrity that learn these techniques to do good. But there are far too many that use it to take advantage of people.

All I am saying is to think. Stop wandering around aimlessly and perhaps occasionally stumbling upon brief moments of happiness. Consider the opposite of what you always thought was true. It will bring a lot more happiness into your life.

Everything has an opposite. The bachelor vs the happily married man. And PS they often are jealous or claim to be of the other’s life. Give instead of trying to get.

I remember when I was going through a tough time. I volunteered at the achilles club. We ran in Central Park with disabled people. I will never forget that. I often got paired with a blind person. We would hold a six inch string between us so we would run 5 miles without him getting hurt since I was guiding him.

I “got” so much from that. Was that giving or getting? And I have many stories about those months as well. Like the time I was running with a sighted person. I had to ask his issues to make sure I could help him if something happened.

He had gone through septic shock so severely his toes were amputated. and he had horrific phantom pain. A few miles later I asked if we could rest for a moment. He explained that if he stopped he would not be able to start again the pain would be too excruciating.

So I sucked up my slight discomfort. What is volunteering? giving or getting? The old axiom is true; you get so much when you give. Where else is that true? Is it everywhere?

Where were we? Giving, getting loving wanting to be loved. Do you see any connection here? I leave it in your hands in your mind to explore your lives.