Hormones My Day in the mind of a woman True Story overdosed on Estrogen

For Women Only

STOP ANALYZING AND START LIVING

Married Men Horror stories  Clare ( not her real name)

Why no one will marry you  

Why you’re single  for WOMEN and MEN

By Aman Hoonose

I have wanted to share this for many weeks now and I kept stopping myself. And I finally know why. It needs a disclaimer.

I have read so many books and I have never read what I am about to say but it is vital.

Someone writes a book on being more assertive. But they dont know or care that the person who is buying it is already such an assertive self assured confident asshole that he buys the book and becomes worse.

So I cant be looking over the shoulder of each person who reads this and how they interpret it and who they already are. But I can tell you that you KNOW.

If everyone is telling you that you are too shy, you probably are. If everyone is telling you that you let everyone walk all over you, you probably are doing that.

As the saying goes “If one person tells you you’re a horse , you can ignore them. If three people tell you you’re a horse, There’s conspiracy afoot. If ten people tell you you’re a horse, it’s time to buy a saddle”

So take each idea and put it in context of what you know is true about yourself. If you are already too nice dont read what I said here and use it to your detriment and go back out with that guy who treated you like shit and be even nicer to him with a new understanding, that is absolutely not my goal here.

Finally, dont be surprised how far off the mark you really are. We have all had that experience. You know you are a zero on assertiveness and you are working on it.

So you ask your best friend, “how am I doing? notice that I suggested what restaurant we go to?”

And they laugh at you. You are finally a 6 on a scale of 1 to 100.

A friend reminded me of that recently. It took me decades to find my own preferences.’

My dad was 100% defferential. Ill never forget witnessing a breakfast conversation.

Mom “honey what do you want to eat?” Dad “whatever is easier. Mom “it doesnt matter what do you want?”

Dad “whatever is easier” Mom “Ok I am going to make eggs. how do you like them?”

Dad “whatever is easier”

By the way I could probably knock off three more chapters with the rest of that conversation.

It was absurd. Of course I never even knew my preferences. Maybe thats a good thing I am not fat.

For the most part donct care that much about food

But this actually leads us to two important segues.

The apple does fall pretty close to the tree. Be self aware.

Like Wayne Dyer’s first book Your Erroneous Zones. Where are you copying your parents?

Also point two. If you are reading this and laughing because, you always choose everything and get your way all time.

Well guess what you need to work on? Of course if you dont mind that everyone either overtly or covertly hates you and you are perfect just the way you are. This book is not for you either

It is simply to have a better relationship with the right person. And of course this is no substitute for medical care. If thats what you need hop to it.

The other problem is that everyone I personally know is going to read themselves into it. And the ones closest to me may either get offended or take it the wrong way or the opposite way.

First of all let me say I believe every male and female on this planet will relate to and will have personally experienced one of my anecdotes at one point in their life. So sorry its not all about you.

In addition 99% of the mistakes and the learning here are my own. I take full responsibility for my actions and mistakes and I love to learn and share. With that said I think everyone might find a few morsels of gold here and better yet even a few diamonds.

If anything I say resonates with you it could be cathartic. To this day I still have many friends who have told me something I have said has changed their life and they still live by that little something.

If I can help people I have never met to have better relationships and less fighting and or stress in their lives I have totally accomplished something phenomenal in my life.

PS my anecdote about my days overdosed on Estrogen alone would be a lesson that if every male truly experienced and kept in the forefront of his mind, there would be 100% more understanding and less fighting between men and women.

This book is wisdom from over 30 years of conversations with female friends as well as my own stupid mistakes and experiences over even more decades.

I am offering my insights  just like I did for my friends, who wanted a male’s perspective.  I think it’s valuable, actually priceless.  I’m sure you’ll recognize yourself in some of these conversations.  And I sincerely hope it helps you to get more joy out of your life and relationships. 

“We went on our first date last night, and we  kissed for five minutes when he dropped me off,  but he didn’t call me today, what does that mean ?”  

“He only texts me, he never calls, and we only see each other twice a week, what do you think ?” 

Intellectually I don’t think he fits in with my friends he’s just not that smart, so I’m afraid of getting involved, because I don’t see him as someone I could marry” 

(By the way I know a very nice looking model who chose a football player, that seemed to work out.)update maybe I was wrong on that one.

“He is constantly going out with his buddies and it seems like he would rather be with them than me “

“He is constantly calling me late at night for a booty call, rather than taking me out on a proper date” “He is married but he’s literally in the middle of getting a divorce and he hates his wife” 

“He is married but he doesn’t even sleep with his wife, he hasn’t slept with her in over a year”

Do any of these sound familiar ? I can go on just listing every permutation and discussion I have heard and it would fill the pages of a 1000 page book, not a bad idea LOL

But my goal is to have a serious discussion and give some valuable advice (the kind I gave my friends). 

I want to help you negotiate the weeds of complicated male female relationships to bring more joy into your relationships and or marriage if that is what you desire.  

 In fact I think the advice I give applies to married women and men alike.  We can all use a little refresher on those pesky seemingly insignificant conversations that actually cause the most harm. 

In fact I have one more quote you are probably familiar with.  “ I am embarrassed to tell you the stupid little thing that we actually broke up over or you will think I am crazy”

For Women Only

STOP ANALYZING AND START LIVING

If you are still browsing and don’t want to buy this book, dont, but I do have two rules for you that you can have for free.

Rule 1: Stop analyzing and start living.   Seriously, women spend more time analyzing their relationships than enjoying them. 

By the way they bring endless  and needless grief because of their constant analysis for both themselves and whoever has the misfortune of dating them. 

Hint, they will never want to marry you if you are constantly analyzing them vs enjoying your time together.

You don’t have to analyze it if he is a dick it will come to the surface soon enough. “caca tzoon e dok chee menar” ( that’s Armenian for when the snow melts the shit appears.

My inspiration for this book was the countless conversations I have had with my female friends asking me what I thought about some innocuous behavior or comment by the guy they were dating.

Rule # 2 Act like its your first relationship.  Don’t bring the baggage of everyone you ever dated into this relationship. 

Nobody wants that, nobody deserves that, and nobody will put up with that.  Just because Bobby lied to you doesn’t mean that “new guy” is lying to you. 

Just because Ted cheated on you doesn’t mean “new guy” is cheating on you. 

That being said, we do need to have a modicum of common sense.

If “new guy” acts like a secret agent and can only talk to you at certain times, and certain days, he is either married or so full of himself that you probably don’t want to date him anyway. 

Even James Bond can answer his phone in the middle of a mission.  I have no clue what could be so important that “new guy” cant politely pick up and say “ I’ll call you later” 

I have chaired a meeting with 20 people around the table and picked up my phone and said “ I am in a meeting with 20 people can I call you later”  How long did that take, 5 seconds ? 

So new guy is either married, inconsiderate, or so low on the totem pole that he cant answer the phone or he will get fired. 

Although I can think of one other situation he could possibly be in that he couldn’t take out 3 seconds to talk to you, in bed with his wife.

One of the best “analysis” I heard recently was  “He asked me if I wanted to spend the night”  This was in relation to someone she had just started dating with that she had sex with a few times. 

So her analysis was that he wanted to know if she wanted to sleep over, but she felt that he wasn’t being straight forward and simply wanted to know what she wanted, and wasn’t revealing his feelings or what he wanted. 

PS this wasn’t the first conversation like this.  Apparently they were having a real difficult time getting out of the starting gate, because depending on the exact wording and tone of any of his requests it was turned into.  “I don’t know how he feels or what he wants.” 

If he asked if she wanted to get together this week.  To her, that of course meant, that he wanted to know if she wanted to get together, not that he wanted to.  Do you get the difference ? Because personally I think its crazy town. 

Granted I wasn’t on the other end of the phone and perhaps he was being a total chicken shit and not putting himself out there, and simply was not asking her out.  But he also might have been trying to be considerate in checking in, with her, on how she felt, vs putting her on the spot by asking her out. 

But in the end its all the same result,  crazy town, analysis by paralysis or paralysis by analysis. (PS guys can be chicken shit. I was so intimidated to ask a female surgeon out that I asked her to go see the bodies exhibit with me and another doctor.)

It’s the opposite of,  and exactly “why men go after younger women.”  Besides don’t you want to just have some fun vs spending countless hours analyzing every word that someone says ? 

What chance does this poor schmuck have with this kind of analysis  on his every word ? And I did offer my advice and I even told her I might write a book and the first chapter just might be stop living and start analyzing 

But it needs to be explained in detail to everyone reading this book. Now you might think you are not that crazy, but you are.  Your story might be slightly different but its also the same. 

I know, because as you will read later in the book, I had a big dose of Estrogen and I know you have no choice but to be ultra uber sensitive, and indeed lean toward over analyzing and that tendency, needs to be fought. 

Married Men Horror stories  Clare ( not her real name)

I will never forget when I stupidly fell in love with someone who was in love with a married guy.  The stories I heard.

Just in case you think your guy is different.  This guy literally supposedly bought an apartment, and had a move in day the following week.  I literally heard that he swore the move in date was  next Monday. 

This was finally it!  It was for real, no more BS, they got the apartment and were moving in together in just a few days.  Well silly me ( giving the advice)  I was wrong, this guy was for real.  

Well needless to say, she was over the moon and ready to move in with her love.  Well you guessed it,  It was all bullshit.  I have heard horror stories that are even worse with fortunes spent on an apartment by the woman as well.  

Simply put if he is married, he is married.  By the way all of this is true for married women as well especially the next paragraph.

There is no reason to get involved with a married man or woman, none, period.  First of all, you don’t want to be the reason he leaves his wife, because then you are obligated to him. 

There is literally only one answer to the married guy. And you have my permission to use it verbatim.  “If you are that miserable, I encourage you to get out of your marriage, but it cannot be for me. 

You need to know that you will be happier not being in your marriage, regardless if I am with you or not, or alive or dead. 

It is too much of a burden on me, to be responsible for breaking up your marriage, and I want no part of that. 

When you get situated, you are free to call on me, and if I am available, I probably will want to date you, and we can see where it goes at that time. 

But to be clear, I am not going to be the homewrecker, or responsible for your actions, or responsible to clean up after you, and or responsible for another woman’s grief. 

You are a grown man that can make his own decisions and I cannot make any commitments to you.  You are a married man”

Why Men go for Younger Women and their best quality,  That  you can have too!

I may have touched on this in the previous chapter.  But it bears going into depth and repeating,  90% of the reason men go out with younger women is because they are fun.

They resembled you, and your attitude, the first time you fell head over heels in love with a guy.  The excitement, the interaction is intoxicating. 

Think about when you were 15, 16, 17 or 18, or however old you were, when you fell in love with the first guy, it was magic.  Every touch was electric.  Everything he said or did was interesting. 

Every stupid story he told you was the most interesting story you ever heard. 

You basically had the attitude of a Labrador retriever.  You were all smiles.  

Every time he called you, you couldn’t wait to see him, you loved everything about him. 

That kind of electricity is incomparable.  And anyone who still has that quality, or the capacity to act in that fashion, will not stay single for more than five minutes.

 Just think for a minute, and compare and contrast your 15-year-old self to your 35 or 55-year-old self. 

Your 15-year-old self was happy to go out for a hotdog, you’re older self is analyzing how much money he’s spending on you, and has a sourpuss. 

You might even be texting your friend while you’re on the date, asking their opinion of where he chose to take you on that first date. 

 I’ve gotten those phone calls too.  ( I must have too many female friends LOL)

I’ve been interrogated as to my opinion if he chose a place without asking her opinion was he wrong ?

Even if it was an expensive place. Maybe he was overcompensating or trying to get into her pants 

Conversely  Did he choose a place that was relatively inexpensive, what does that mean ? 

Did he offer to cook? What does that mean? Did he come to your house so you can cook for him? What does that mean. 

Are you starting to get the picture? It’s nothing but a series of  analysis and paralysis, by analysis. 

Now let’s contrast that to your younger self.  Back then you were just excited the guy had a car.  

And you were happy to be in his company, you didn’t even care if you ate.  We can go on and on.

We might have to, just permeate your brain, and help you take down some of the many barriers and guard rails, and give away some of the luggage. 

Let’s face it if you made it to your 30s you do have a full set of luggage.

If you’re in your 50s…. well it’s a 12 piece set of Louis Vuitton matching pieces and personally Monogrammed. 

Nobody can find you hiding behind your luggage. 

If we go back and remember that first guy you fell in love with.   Assuming you’re not married to the first guy, then there is a reason for this. 

When you did break up, you probably didn’t eat for three days and the feeling of pain was such that you literally thought you would die. 

Men experience it to, whether they admit it or not. There is no comparison to the emotional pain that you feel when you’ve allowed yourself to be 100% vulnerable, and have been hurt. 

So assuming you are a human being, that was the day you built the first brick of the wall around your heart. And you vowed to never get hurt again. 

In fact it’s a safe bet you didn’t start dating again that week, or even the week after.  You may have even said words such like I don’t ever want to date another guy.  I am so over this. 

I am never going to let anyone hurt me like this again. And you are fulfilling that promise to your younger self. 

You have a primitive brain that’s wired to protect you from pain.  So it’s only natural that when you finally decide to date again you are going to have a lot of red flags popping up and warning signs and you are going to proceed cautiously. 

You will probably never jump in the way you did with the first person you fell in love with. 

But I hate to tell you, if you can’t knock down some walls, no one can get in.  And you will stay alone. 

So you do have to negotiate and find a place of relative safety and security, while attempting and striving to be as open as possible.  It’s a really difficult line to walk. 

But its safe to say if he is an unemployed crack addict, alcoholic that admitted to beating his wife, thats a red flag.

PS dont tell me he only smokes pot every day and hasnt found suitable employment in the past 2 years. Real men work.

They find work they make work. I can always find a job. You just volunteer to work for free so they can see how great you are or you work for commission only.

Personally I feel that every relationship I’ve ever entered into at any age I have been prepared to give the person the benefit of the doubt.

I loved without preconditions, and allow it to travel whatever path it needs to. 

And if and when it ends, I’ll take the bullet one time.  You’ve heard the expression a coward dies 1000 deaths, a hero only one.  I actually use that in my dating life. 

I remember one time someone telling me they believed the person I was dating was cheating on me.  I was actually dating a beautiful model at the time. 

Actually she’s so pretty she’s still getting work at the age of 60.  So it wasn’t inconceivable, that someone else would be attracted to her. 

I literally turned around and told my friend.  I have no interest in what you’re telling me because it is completely illogical. 

If she finds someone more attractive or someone that she wants to be with then me,  she will be with that person, it’s not that complicated. 

Why would anyone spend one more night with me if there is someone she is more in love with, and wants to be with,  it makes no sense. 

Sure there might be a week or two where she might be conflicted.  But eventually you’re going to want to spend all of your time with the person you prefer. 

And if and when that time comes I’m going to take the bullet right between the eyes.  I am not going to die one thousand deaths thinking something that may or may not be true,  because it will pan out quickly and might not even be true. 

That’s the attitude I’m talking about.  Now I know it’s not a male quality, because my male friend who told me, was completely freaked out by my attitude. 

But it is an attitude that makes a lot of sense. You need to compare and contrast that attitude to your attitude of projecting all kinds of future situations that you may or may not encounter and whether or not new guy fits in perfectly. 

Did you do that when you were 17? You need to strive as hard as you can to re-create the mindset you had as a young woman. 

That is all the wonder, awe and excitement free spirit, free loving attitude, you had when you were young. 

Because then, you can compete with any woman, including a young one.  In fact, you’re older more experienced self,  combined with a youthful attitude, can clearly triumph against an even more beautiful woman. 

Because at the end of the day, if you neutralize the competition she brings to the table by being young at heart,  then you clearly will be the more attractive alternative.

Sure there is attractiveness although honestly, I’ve seen a lot of 50 and even sixty year-old women, that are hot. 

In fact I’ve seen a lot of 50 and sixty year-old women that are hotter then a lot of 25 and 30 year old women. 

But even assuming your younger competition is more attractive.  How many hours a day can you spend in bed ?

In fact if you’re reading this you might even be at the age when you’re having sex less than seven times a week. 

So let’s do the math 24×7  So there is 168 hours in a week.  Lets be generous and say that you’re having sex every day at an hour a day.  So that’s seven hours,  by the way we know that’s a lie. 

Guess what ?  you still have 161 hours left.  Do you really think the guy is going to want to spend a dozen hours a week helping her with her homework ? versus talking to you, about your many life experiences you have had in the past decade or two ? The places you’ve been, the things you’ve done?  The interesting jobs you’ve had?  Are you starting to get the picture here ? 

There really is no comparison. You could win hands down against anyone if you can learn.  Well actually you don’t have to learn because you already know you’ve done it already. Been there done that. 

All you have to do is be that fun young, fun-loving person.  Actually let me rephrase that.  All you have to do is let that fun-loving person out. 

Because guess what? she’s in there and she would love to come out and play.  All you have to do is let her. 

And guess what you’ll have more fun than you’ve had in however many decades it has  been since your first boyfriend. 

The only thing standing between you and falling head over heels and having the fun you had, is you.

You don’t have to do anything it’s a process of subtraction, or letting yourself out to play.  Literally think of it as letting your inner child out to play. 

The good news is you can go out and play, you know how to play, you know a lot more games than you did when you were younger. 

And your older self actually knows that if you get hurt you actually are not going to die. 

Your younger self didn’t know that.  And perhaps that’s the reason why you went out and played 100%.

See the crazy counter intuitive logic here is that you think by not letting yourself come out and play, you will not get hurt. 

But the truth of the matter is, that whether you jump in with both feet and have lots of fun, or hold back, analyze, question, and reanalyze every date. and every conversation,  you are just as likely to get hurt. 

The only difference is that if you jump in and have fun you will have fun. 

And the woman who jumps in and has fun is so much more attractive than the crazy person who is analyzing and questioning every single thing you do.

That is not someone anyone wants to date let alone have a long term relationship with, let alone marry.

If you can’t make this transition just return the book and ask for your money back. 

Because I can’t help you.  No one wants to date the crazy one.   Great Women are worth waiting for. 

We males can wait for sex if the woman is actually fun interesting open-minded. 

But if your defenses are so high that even the first date can’t flow.  Meaning you can’t have a conversation you can’t reveal anything about yourself you can’t laugh about anything because you’re too busy being protective and keeping those barriers up there will be no second date. 

So at the very least we need to let your brain come out and play.  You can keep your body safely tucked away until you feel more secure there’s nothing wrong with that. But there has got to be an opening for a meeting of the minds.  In fact thats the advice I often give younger people.

Time for a little segue and some math and advice for younger men and women.

On sex. Almost everyone I speak to does the same thing. they go on a few dates more or less, have sex then get to know the person over the next few months.

By the way some women do that even when they know they made a mistake vs admitting to a one night stand.

By the way there is no shame in a one night stand, dragging out into a 3 month one night stand is stupid.

So you slept together after the third date. And now you are trying to get to know the person or give them the benefit of the doubt only because you slept with them.

Maybe at the 3 month mark they realize the person is not right, but after three months of intimacy you truly owe it to yourself to try to work it out.

So you will spend at least the next three or six months, or even a year trying to work it out.

Maybe now that you know them you are fighting and spend quite a few more months breaking up and getting back together and then finally breaking up.

So now you are alone and it takes three to six months to meet a new person. ( this goes for men and women alike). So this whole process literally took between one and three years.

So if this is the way everyone operates, between the age of 20 and thirty they will have only dated three people, and between thirty and forty maybe another three people.

How likely is it that you will find the person of your dreams that you are most compatible with if you have only dated six people over the course of twenty years ? Zero.

So my advice is date a lot of people. Date 10, 20 30 or more people a year.

Dont sleep with anyone because the intimacy is going to take you down that long and windy road.

Unless you are a misanthrope or a liar you are probably not going to be comfortable sleeping with a number of people, so just date and get to know multiple people.

Hopefully getting to know multiple people over many months will give you the opportunity to choose the most suitable person that you will have the greatest likelihood of getting along with forever vs endless heartaches.

 Male Language Translator

                         The Rules For Men

                          The Rules for Women

                        Things Men are incapable of  understand that brings untold grief and needless fights endless hurts to single and married couples

                         Hormones My Day in the mind of a woman True Story overdosed on Estrogen

I had the most enlightening experience that should be required of every male.  If you experienced what I did you will never ever question anything a woman ever says or does ever again. 

I finally reached the age where  my testosterone dropped off.   By the way at the end of this chapter for any man or woman reading this I’d like to give a more detailed explanation on how to monitor and make sure your hormones are not creating problems. 

But let’s start with the funny story.  So my hormones finally dropped or more precisely my testosterone.

I am finally old enough. Just a little bit of background information we all have all of the various hormones. 

Women have a small amount of Testosterone, its their sex drive. 

In addition to testosterone, men also have estrogen estradiol and progesterone. 

In fact when we get our hormones tested, a good doctor will test them all.  For example estrogen is protective of the heart.  Sometimes when men are taking testosterone they are also given anastrozole which is called an aromatase inhibitor. 

Sorry I have to give a little bit of details but it’s important. The aromatase inhibitor is to knock the estrogen down.  Because what happens is that a man’s excess testosterone is converted into estrogen especially in the presence of fat.  By the way now you know how some men get man boobs. 

But you cant knock the Estrogen too low because  it is protective of the heart. ( thats why men get more heart attacks) You have to be really careful with the stuff.

To be clear I am not a doctor, and anyone with any serious medical condition should consult with their doctor. 

But I can relate what I do know in terms you can understand and learn from. Some of you may be familiar with anastrozole and aromatase inhibitors. 

The reason is that they are often given to people who have cancer because estrogen is food for the cancer the doctors believe that by keeping the estrogen down they are depriving the cancer.  Anyway now the fun part. 

One day my doctor says to me I have something different you might want to try.  The drug is called Clomid. 

Rather than taking testosterone exogenously (fancy word for delivering it from outside your body into your body) we can convince your brain to tell your body to make more hormones. 

Now the logic and appeal of this is if you keep taking testosterone there’s no reason for a body to make Testosterone, and eventually your body will stop making it

We don’t even know what consequences that may have.  But the least of which  is you probably will have to continue taking testosterone forever. 

So I agreed I said what could be more natural then for my brain to instruct my body to make more hormones. 

Now he did kind of mention that it will tell my body to make more of all of the hormones, a minor detail I did not think was significant.

However within a few days of taking the Clomid I simply felt insane. 

My level of sensitivity was pretty much the same as a 14-year-old ninth grade girl. 

Everything was driving me crazy.  But the real interesting part of it was that everything that I was thinking were the literal words spoken by every 15 year old girl in every chick flick I’ve ever watched. 

If my wife looked at me the wrong way I left the room like a berated puppy dog with the bubble over my head as I thought in a whiny voice why is she talking to me this way. 

There was  literally a whiny voice in my head rehashing and analyzing every single conversation every single look and gesture.  To me it felt like literal insanity. 

But again what was weirdly familiar was that every one of my stupid thoughts I had, I had heard articulated in one or another chick flick that I have seen. 

So what clearly was happening, and I didn’t even need a doctor to tell me, was that my body was making more testosterone, but it was also making a ton of estrogen. 

I was literally losing my mind.  Every little thing seemed insurmountable.  I saw everything in terms of feelings.

But again every stupid thought in my head was the exact same words uttered by teenage girls in every stupid chick flick.  I was totally losing it. Thank god I had a doctor I was friendly with.

I called my doctor at 10pm that night.  He understood and knew exactly what was happening. 

But trust me I couldn’t get off that drug fast enough.  I would never touch that drug again. 

I am sorry but there is no doubt whatsoever that Estrogen is simply the hormone of insanity, if you ask me.  If I thought I was going to feel that way for the rest of my life, I would have committed suicide. 

It was this weird combination of anxiety coupled with hypersensitivity a miserable combination.  Imagine being as sensitive as a 13 year old girl thinking all of those stupid thoughts but racing like you had 50 cups of coffee.

If that’s how women feel right before they have their period it’s a wonder more people aren’t murdered by premenstrual women.  It was simply the worst I have ever felt in my life. 

But honestly all of the problems between men and women could be solved if they had a program where they gave men estrogen for 3 days so he could just once, understand what a woman is going through. 

By the way I have to remind myself, because the mind is trained to forget painful experiences. It has to.

You couldnt survive if your brain kept remembering all of the painful experiences in your life. There is nothing too crazy that a woman might feel or say under the influence of a surge of Estrogen.

I know I felt it. By the way I know that some doctors and Endocrinologists are going to say that I may not be exactly correct as to which hormone was driving me crazy. 

And some snowflake is going to view this as critical to women.  So once again I am not a doctor.  Also I am only explaining that indeed our hormones dramatically affect how we feel

I am relating this story for the purpose of encouraging more understanding and compassion so snowflakes should be applauding me for that. 

I am simply relating how I felt after taking a drug that made my body make more hormones.  PS that is the drug that is given to women who are trying to make a baby ironically.

And PS I have no experience in dealing with a surge of Estrogen.

What about men and Testosterone how does that affect his behavior ?

They say when a man jumps out of his car and threatens to kill someone because they didn’t put on their blinker it’s a testosterone surge.

I read somewhere that all of human interaction between men and women can be explained by hormonal surges. 

Men have them every few minutes and women have different hormones ebbing and flowing on different days.  The fact that I am taking Testosterone now has given me a few years of retrospective analysis on my behavior. 

I write down when I take it.  I also write down what other supplements I take and how I feel. 

By the way in my self-help chapter I will give you my number 1 tip on improving your life.

That is to record everything so you can reset  yourself just like you reset your computer.  But more on that in that chapter. 

So I am taking my testosterone and my female partner has been acting in ways that are challenging, to say the least, and I really snapped at her inappropriately.  It was so obvious. 

There was no question about it whatsoever by me, from my own perspective, the minute the words came out of my mouth. 

She remarked you better start taking less testosterone. But the most interesting thing was I was 3 days overdue on taking my Testosterone.  

If you are taking Testosterone once a week, obviously the last day, or if you are a few days late, you would be at your lowest, and I told her so.  So it was clear that my Testosterone was so low, that I was no longer a strong man capable of brushing off a minor slur or insult.  

Sure enough, as I continue to monitor the past few years, when my Testosterone is high, I am a strong man capable of protecting my woman and when its low I am a whiny bitch. 

I read  about another aspect of  this in Dr Erika Schwartz’s book, The Natural Hormone Solution.

She described that the women that she was helping with hormone replacement were complaining that their once strong men, were no longer capable of putting on muscle no matter how many times they went to the gym and were getting depressed. 

This could easily be subclinical.  Meaning that you are within normal range by the numbers and your sex life might be fine.  But you no longer have the will to do anything.

When I first started taking Testosterone, I ran for US Congress and walked every street in countless towns knocking on doors every single day for 12 hours a day.  How is that for motivation and the Testosterone connection?

The big problem here is that the range is too great.  Again I apologize for seemingly getting into the weeds here about hormones but I have a lot of experience here and there is no way you are going to be OK if your hormones aren’t. 

Again just a little more of a laymen’s explanation here of Testosterone for men.  Testosterone is measured as total and free Testosterone.  Without getting totally into the weeds and explaining SHBG the hormone that binds the Testosterone and doesn’t allow it to be free suffice it to say that there is a range and it is big. 

For total Testosterone the range is 200 to 800.   So even as a lay person do the math with me for a moment.  Now I am a hairy dude I grew a full beard when I was 16 and you could part the hair on my back with a comb.  My nickname in college was sweater. 

Needless to say my normal hormone level was more like over 1000 on a scale of 200 to 800.  I am not saying this to brag but to help you to understand why you might not be feeling well. 

If I didn’t have a blood test indicating my youthful levels and presented myself in my late 50’s to a doctor with a Testosterone level of 300 he would say “ you are well within normal range” 

But indeed my level had dropped almost 70% and I would be miserable with literally no drive to do anything. 

Whereas someone who had been 300 their whole life would be totally happy.  So another thing you can do is get your levels checked while you are “normal” 

Just like your computer, if you wait until it has a virus or is infected or is running incorrectly you have nothing to compare it to. No program to reload from when you were normal. 

Again sorry to digress. But you truly will not be able to have a normal relationship if you are not feeling normal or actually strong and with a positive attitude.

Its almost impossible to fight those feelings when you are fighting  an overwhelming feeling created by a lack of hormones.  Again read, learn go to an endocrinologist. 

If you have health insurance and a smart doctor he will write down a complaint that allows your insurance company to pay for your hormone testing.

You might have to fudge it a little and say your sex drive has waned vs you are feeling a little blue to get the insurance company to pay for the very expensive hormone tests. 

But trust me there is nothing more valuable that you can do. You can follow every little bit of advice I give but you will be fighting a losing battle if you are fighting your hormones or lack thereof.

                                    Men don’t understand silence.  (this is a hint for men too)

Writing this, as a man it seems kind of ridiculous that I even have to articulate this but I obviously do.

To this day even the closest woman to me in my life after 10 years thinks that silence is the best way to communicate exactly how she is feeling. 

If you are a woman and you are reading this can you grasp now that you see this in writing how ridiculous that is ? 

Thank god, I have finally after decades of punishment learned that if a woman is silent you just have to wait, sometimes till midnight to find out exactly what she is pissed off at. 

Because she is.  For the men, even though you asked her 5 times earlier in the day “ what is bothering you ?” She wasn’t ready to have that discussion.

So getting angry or calling her names is a sure road to even more pain and unnecessary hurt feelings and perhaps even a break up temporary or permanent.

Women you have to understand we truly are more stupid then you can possibly imagine.  Let me repeat that. We are that stupid. The dog is smarter.

Look back at my day of feeling on Clomid. I have never ever experienced that many feelings.

It’s not that men are from Mars and women are from Venus we’re both from Earth and we both speak English.  Men are just  emotionally unaware and or stupid. 

Take your pick, we will not be insulted, but appreciate you, if you actually talk to us like we are stupid because it will help us to get along better.  But we have an entirely different ways of communicating.  As a matter fact let me give you one small example. 

Women are so much more articulate than men and have a range of tactics.  Although ironically typical fights between men and women consist of women using the silent treatment as their biggest weapons. 

While men get so flustered they lower themselves to curse.  Have you ever had a relationship where the woman was the cursor and the man offered the silent treatment? 

How about the man withholding sex ?  How often does that happen?  Actually I have to admit I actually did that once in my life.  It’s just too hard.  I was only able to pull it  off once. 

I still remember even though it was decades ago, and it turned her into a puppy dog for a week.  But it wasn’t worth repeating because I wanted sex. 

But back to communicating.  I have had countless conversations or actually lack of conversations.  Where I have berated or insisted that a woman tell me what was the matter to no avail. 

Either a few hours or many hours later they will finally confess.  “yes I was angry how could you not know, fill in the blank”  I hate to tell you but we really didn’t know.

Oh sure one out of hundred times we did know and we were just being assholes.  But honestly your dog knows more often what’s really going on versus your man. 

Your man is clueless.  Tell yourself whatever you need to tell yourself to get this through your head.  Men are stupid, men are emotionally clueless, take your pick. 

It’s irrelevant, the bottom line is, we don’t know.  We don’t know what’s bothering you, and we don’t know how to fix it, unless it involves a hammer and nail. 

So it’s your choice, you can tell him what’s wrong or you can play the silent game and if you’re lucky, and he really loves you, he might put up with it, until you tell him many hours later what’s really bothering you. 

But you’re also taking the risk that he just might give up, or get angry and you both might land up in the fight of your life that you break up over. 

And the reason might be that you’ve told them 20 times to put the cap back on the toothpaste and you just can’t believe that he was so inconsiderate that he did it again and you didn’t feel like telling him for 21^st time so you gave him the silent treatment for the day. 

But he may finally feel like he is not a dog and deserves to be treated with some kindness and some words and doesn’t deserve a whole day of silent treatment so you break up over the cap not being on the toothpaste.  

Or the dishes left in the sink, or the fact that he stupidly said something about you too another man, or woman which he didn’t think would bother you, that was earth shattering to you. 

Like I said fill in the blank men are not only stupid they are emotionally unaware.  I can say that with 110% certainty. 

Because in my life I’ve been told hundreds of times that I am more aware and sensitive to people’s feelings than anyone but I still miss a few times a week.  Trust me your guy is clueless if you want to have a great relationship you’re going to tell him exactly what to do and/or of course you can stay single. 

Things Men are incapable of  understanding that brings untold grief and needless fights endless hurts to single and married couples

And for guys,  since the beginning of time women have been using the silent treatment. 

They recently excavated some caves and they saw the drawings on the wall and in each case it was the man who was doing the talking and the woman was actually responding with her arms crossed and her back turned offering the silent treatment. 

Now of course this is counterintuitive because women are talkers and men are usually silent.  But not when it comes to the big stuff. When she’s really upset and I mean really upset.  That is when she’s going to say nothing. 

Because you should know.  And at the end of the day nine hours later when you’re in bed together and she still has a frown on her face.  And you ask her one last time that’s when she’s finally going to reveal “how could you not know”  “how many times have I told you “ 

and you can get angry you can even walk out and think you’re going to find a woman who actually has the capacity to communicate her feelings when she’s upset. 

But trust me that’s not going to happen.  And again it’s hard for us men to understand that its the same woman who was babbling all day about something that you had no interest in. 

That same woman is incapable of speaking and articulating the slightest hint to us on what we can do when she is upset even though she’s upset about something we did.  But you see that’s the whole point since we did it, we should know better. 

Are you starting to understand? because it’s taken me decades to understand.  Women have a cooling off period. 

You literally can’t resolve or get to the bottom of anything until she’s good and ready.  Trying to force her to open up and be honest about what’s going on before she’s good and ready is impossible. 

In fact it will only aggravate the situation.  I would love to tell you that women can change but she’s about as capable as you are at changing.  And when two people find they care about each other enough, they get through all this. 

But that’s a long way away from that first date.  In the meantime, your job is to respect the luggage if you think the person hiding behind a 10 piece set of matching luggage is worth searching for. 

But some of the things they do will never change because they are women and like I said just look at my chapter about hormones it’s impossible to not be crazy when your body is overflowing with estrogen and progesterone.  By the way testosterone has a number of side effects in my opinion as well. 

Future chapters

SELF HELP CHAPTER

            The no 1 thing you can do to improve your life